Master your stories

Separate the facts from the story you’re telling about them before you react.

Why it works

Between an event and your feeling sits a story — an interpretation — that often drives the emotion more than the facts do. Catching the story (especially "villain," "victim," and "helpless" stories) and questioning it lets you choose your response instead of being hijacked by an unexamined interpretation.

How to do it

1. Separate the observable facts from the meaning you’ve added to them.
2. Question your story: "Why might a reasonable person do this?"
3. Watch for the three common stories — making the other a villain, yourself a victim, or yourself helpless.

Evidence

Closely parallels cognitive-appraisal theory and the cognitive model of emotion, both of which are well supported: interpretation, not the event alone, shapes emotional response. (mechanistic)

The underlying appraisal mechanism is well evidenced; the "master your stories" packaging is practitioner framing of it.

Common mistake

Treating your interpretation as fact ("she clearly doesn’t respect me") and reacting to the story as if it were the event.