STATE your path

Share your view honestly but in a way that keeps the other person open: facts first, then story, tentatively.

Why it works

STATE (Share facts, Tell your story, Ask for others’ paths, Talk tentatively, Encourage testing) works because it leads with the least controversial element — facts — and frames conclusions as one possible read, not a verdict. That sequence keeps the other person’s defenses down so they can actually hear you and add their view.

How to do it

1. Start with the facts, the least debatable part, before any conclusion.
2. Tell your story tentatively ("I’m starting to wonder if..."), not as fact.
3. Ask for the other person’s path and genuinely invite disagreement.

Evidence

Aligns with research on tentative language and inquiry-plus-advocacy reducing defensiveness in dialogue; the STATE acronym itself is a practitioner tool. (mechanistic)

Tentative framing and balancing advocacy with inquiry are supported broadly; the specific five-step formula is practitioner-designed.

Common mistake

Leading with your harshest conclusion stated as fact, which provokes the defensiveness that shuts the conversation down.