Coaching practices for Assertiveness Training at Work

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Assertiveness Training at Work, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • I say the firm thing but my voice goes up at the end like a question, my eyes drop, and I tack on a nervous little laugh
  • I’ve told my people a hundred times they can disagree with me, but they still don’t
  • Whenever I need to ask for something or say no, it comes out either as an attack or as me folding completely
  • Even when I’ve got the right words, my voice goes shaky and my sentences tilt up into questions, and the apology in my body
  • There’s something I need to ask for and I keep rehearsing it and chickening out

Practices that may help

  1. Assertiveness Training, Made Practical
    Assertiveness training is a set of learnable skills — using I-statements, the broken-record technique, fogging, and saying no without over-justifying — that let you express needs and limits directly without aggression or passivity. It comes out of behavior therapy and social-skills training and has a genuine clinical basis, taught for decades in therapeutic settings.
  2. Match your body to your words
    Assertive words undercut by passive body language read as a bluff.
    Assertiveness Training, Made Practical
  3. Teach speak-up skills, not just encourage speaking up
    Give team members specific language for raising concerns, not just permission to raise them.
    Psychological Safety in Teams
  4. DEAR MAN for interpersonal effectiveness
    A structured script — Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate — for asking and saying no.
    Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Skills, Made Practical
  5. Appear confident even when you don’t feel it
    Maintain eye contact, a level voice, and an upright posture — confidence is performed before it’s felt.
    DEAR MAN: DBT’s Skill for Asking for What You Want Effectively
  6. I-Statements: How to Express Yourself Without Triggering Defensiveness
    I-statements — communicating from your own experience ("I feel…") rather than making claims about the other person ("you always…") — are among the most widely taught assertiveness skills. The theoretical rationale is solid: describing your own internal state is less likely to trigger defensiveness than evaluating the other person’s behavior. Clinical practice supports them; RCT evidence for I-statements specifically is limited, and poorly executed I-statements (disguised accusations) often backfire.
  7. DEAR MAN: making effective requests
    Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce — then Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate.
    DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness: Getting What You Need Without Destroying the Relationship
  8. Appoint an explicit devil’s advocate role
    Give one person the formal job of arguing against the plan — making dissent structural, not personal.
    Red Teaming: Stress-Testing Plans Before They Fail
  9. FAST: maintaining self-respect in difficult interactions
    Fair, no Apologies, Stick to values, Truthful — the self-respect compass for high-pressure conversations.
    DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness: Getting What You Need Without Destroying the Relationship
  10. The broken-record technique
    Calmly repeat your position without being derailed by arguments or guilt-trips.
    Assertiveness Training, Made Practical

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