Coaching practices for Connect and Redirect Parenting

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Connect and Redirect Parenting, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • There’s a window every day
  • Even when I sit down to play with my kid I catch myself steering it
  • All day my kid keeps coming to show me things and I keep saying "in a minute" because I’m busy, and then the moment I need them to cooperate they dig in
  • I’ve got all these ideas sitting on separate branches and I can feel that some of them are secretly connected across the map
  • There’s no natural fallout that would safely teach this one, so I have to come up with the response myself

Practices that may help

  1. Use special time to fill the connection cup before problems escalate
    A proactive ten-minute connection recharge can prevent an afternoon of battles.
    Special Time (Lawrence Cohen — Playful Parenting)
  2. Follow the child’s lead completely during special time
    Let the child decide what you do, how long you stay, and when you move on.
    Special Time (Lawrence Cohen — Playful Parenting)
  3. Say yes to bids for connection before enforcing limits
    A child’s capacity to accept limits depends on how connected they feel to the person setting them.
    Authoritative Parenting (Diana Baumrind)
  4. Add cross-links between branches to capture unexpected connections
    Draw connecting lines between ideas on different branches when you notice a relationship that the radial structure doesn’t capture.
    Mind Mapping: Visual Thinking for Learning and Creativity
  5. Design logical consequences that are directly related to the behavior
    The consequence should be the logical response to the choice, so the child sees the connection.
    Natural and Logical Consequences (Rudolf Dreikurs)
  6. Use Plan B: the three-step collaborative conversation
    Empathize with the child’s concern, share yours, and invite them to solve it together.
    Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
  7. Connect before you correct
    A child who feels connected to you is far more receptive to your guidance than one who feels attacked.
    Positive Discipline (Jane Nelsen)
  8. Connect emotionally before you redirect or teach
    The downstairs brain has to be acknowledged before the upstairs brain can hear anything.
    The Whole-Brain Child (Siegel & Bryson)
  9. Use play to re-establish connection after conflict or separation
    Playful physical contact after a difficult moment re-welds the relationship faster than discussion.
    Special Time (Lawrence Cohen — Playful Parenting)
  10. Spend quality one-on-one time with your child
    Fifteen minutes of child-led, uninterrupted attention per day builds the relationship that discipline depends on.
    Triple P Parenting (Matthew Sanders)

Related concerns

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