Coaching practices for How to Get Over Someone Emotionally Cheating

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• There was one moment when I needed them most
• I keep telling myself to just move past what they did and not make a big deal of it, so I never actually look the hurt in the face
• I hear the sarcasm and the eye-roll come out of me and underneath it I genuinely feel like I’m the one carrying everything
• In my head the person who hurt me is just a villain, flat and monstrous, and that picture keeps my anger burning
• I genuinely reached a moment where I felt I’d forgiven them, but the feeling faded and the hurt crept back, and now I’m not even sure it counted

Practices that may help

1. Repair an attachment injury
   Specific relationship betrayals -- moments when you were not there -- need a specific repair, not just time.
   Emotionally Focused Therapy: Sue Johnson's Framework for Lasting Bond Repair
2. R — Recall the hurt
   Face what happened deliberately and calmly, without minimizing it or replaying it as a victim.
   Forgiveness: The REACH Model
3. Interrupt contempt -- the relationship's single most corrosive pattern
   Contempt -- moral superiority, mockery, eye-rolling -- is the strongest predictor of relationship breakdown.
   The Four Horsemen: Gottman's Warning Signs of Relationship Breakdown
4. E — Empathize with the offender
   Try to understand the pressures, fears, or story behind what they did — without excusing it.
   Forgiveness: The REACH Model
5. C — Commit publicly to the forgiveness you felt
   Mark the forgiveness concretely — write it, say it, date it — so you can return to it later.
   Forgiveness: The REACH Model
6. Access and name the underlying attachment emotion
   Beneath the surface argument is a primary emotion -- usually fear, longing, or grief -- that drives the cycle.
   Emotionally Focused Therapy: Sue Johnson's Framework for Lasting Bond Repair
7. Give yourself permission to feel
   Drop the judgment about whether you should or shouldn’t feel a certain way — the emotion is already there.
   Radical Honesty About Emotions, Made Practical
8. Repair quickly and thoroughly
   Don’t let injuries accumulate — repair within hours or days, not weeks.
   Secure-Functioning Relationships
9. Revisit a hurtful moment -- and repair it
   Going back to a painful past moment together, with new understanding, is how attachment injuries heal.
   Hold Me Tight: Sue Johnson's Seven Conversations for Lasting Love
10. Practice being a secure base for your partner
    A secure base means: be accessible, responsive, and emotionally engaged -- especially when it is hard.
    Emotionally Focused Therapy: Sue Johnson's Framework for Lasting Bond Repair

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