Coaching practices for How to Handle a Coworker Who Can't Take Feedback

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• Every time I raise an issue with someone they get defensive and we end up arguing about whether they’re a good person instead of fixing the actual problem
• I deliver my feedback as a finished verdict and then the other person just sits there closed off
• The instant someone gives me hard feedback I’m already explaining and defending myself
• When I give someone feedback it slides into labeling who they are
• I blurt out corrections in the heat of the moment, often right in front of other people, and instead of taking it in they just get humiliated and dig in

Practices that may help

1. Make feedback specific and behavioral, not evaluative
   Describe what you observed, not what it says about the person.
   The Feedback Sandwich: Why It Doesn’t Work and What to Do Instead
2. Invite a response after delivering SBI
   Close SBI by asking what the other person makes of it — not with a verdict.
   The SBI Feedback Model, Made Practical
3. Receive feedback with minimal defensiveness
   Treat feedback as data about others’ experience — not as a verdict on your character.
   The Johari Window
4. Describe behavior, not character
   Say what the person did — actions, words — not what that says about who they are.
   The SBI Feedback Model, Made Practical
5. Choose the right moment and setting for feedback
   Feedback lands in proportion to how safe and ready the receiver feels — timing and privacy matter.
   The SBI Feedback Model, Made Practical
6. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain
   Criticism puts people on the defensive and rarely produces lasting change.
   How to Win Friends and Influence People, Made Practical
7. Adapt how you deliver feedback to the person’s style
   Deliver the same honest feedback in the form the other person can actually hear it.
   The Platinum Rule
8. Feedback: extract the signal, ignore the noise
   Seek feedback fast, but use the part that actually tells you how to improve.
   Ultralearning: Aggressive, Self-Directed Learning
9. Receive every suggestion with only "thank you"
   Accept all feedforward without debate, justification, or even agreement — just acknowledge and note.
   Feedforward: Future-Focused Feedback That Actually Changes Behavior
10. Establish shared purpose before delivering critique
    Frame critique as help toward a shared goal, not an evaluation from above.
    The Feedback Sandwich: Why It Doesn’t Work and What to Do Instead

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