Coaching practices for How to Set Relationship Standards

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For How to Set Relationship Standards, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• In the heat of a fight we cross lines we’d never cross when calm
• We’ve drifted into roommates running on autopilot
• We pass each other like roommates these days, connection only happening if it randomly happens, and there’s no reliable little moment that’s just ours
• We default to whatever each of us wants in the moment, and I rarely choose their preference over mine on purpose
• I keep getting dazzled by how brilliant or charming someone is and signing up to work or partner with them, and then the exact same painful pattern I’ve been burned by before

Practices that may help

1. Agree on relationship principles before you need them
   Set explicit rules for how you will treat each other, especially under pressure.
   Secure-Functioning Relationships
2. Pro-relationship maintenance behaviors
   Actively do things that maintain and strengthen the relationship, rather than expecting it to run itself.
   The Investment Model of Commitment: Why People Stay (and Why They Leave)
3. Build rituals of connection and shared meaning
   Create repeatable rituals that signal the relationship is a priority.
   The 5-to-1 Positivity Ratio in Relationships
4. Willingness to sacrifice: building relationship-oriented decision-making
   Practice making at least one weekly decision that prioritizes the relationship over personal short-term convenience.
   The Investment Model of Commitment: Why People Stay (and Why They Leave)
5. Apply anti-goals to relationships and collaborators
   Naming the relational patterns you refuse to accept prevents you from optimising for the wrong things in who you work or live with.
   Anti-Goals: Defining Success by What You Refuse to Accept
6. Ask "How are we doing?" as a genuine question
   Invite both partners to rate and describe the overall relationship state this week.
   The Relationship Check-In: A Structured Practice for Staying Connected
7. Relationship Maintenance Behaviors
   Relationship maintenance behaviors are the everyday actions partners use to sustain relationship satisfaction, commitment, and closeness over time. Laura Stafford’s research identified five evidence-linked categories — positivity, openness, assurances, social networks, and sharing tasks — with positivity and assurances showing the strongest and most consistent links to satisfaction.
8. Create and protect the couple bubble
   Agree that you each put the relationship above any third party, including family of origin.
   Secure-Functioning Relationships
9. Have the legacy conversation
   Discuss what you want this relationship to stand for and what you want to leave behind.
   The Shared Meaning System
10. Be Fair: include yourself in the fairness you extend to others
    Apply the same standards of fairness to yourself that you would to someone you respect.
    FAST: DBT’s Skill for Maintaining Self-Respect in Relationships

Describe your situation in your own words to search the complete practice library.