Coaching practices for Problem Solving Therapy with My Partner

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Problem Solving Therapy with My Partner, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• When my partner comes to me upset I jump straight into fixing it and explaining what they should do, and somehow that makes them more upset
• Every disagreement turns into me versus them, like we’re opponents trying to win instead of two people up against the same problem
• I finally tried something and it only half-worked, and my whole brain went "see, nothing I do ever works"
• We have the same fight on a loop, just with different excuses each time, and we always end up convinced the other person is the problem
• I report that I missed it, we both nod, and then I go hit the exact same wall next week

Practices that may help

1. Problem-Solving Therapy, Made Practical
   Problem-Solving Therapy (PST), developed by Nezu and D’Zurilla, treats depression and anxiety by building structured, step-by-step problem-solving skills — targeting the learned helplessness and avoidance that occur when people face stressful life problems without an effective coping framework. Multiple randomised trials support PST for depression, especially when linked to real-life problem load.
2. Be a source of relief, not reactivation
   When your partner is distressed, your first job is to reduce their threat response, not solve the problem.
   Secure-Functioning Relationships
3. Fight the problem, not each other
   Reorient conflict so both partners face the problem together rather than facing each other.
   Secure-Functioning Relationships
4. Evaluate the outcome and adjust
   After implementing, honestly assess what worked, what didn’t, and what to do next.
   Problem-Solving Therapy, Made Practical
5. Solution-Focused Brief Therapy: Building On What Works
   Solution-focused brief therapy (SFBT), developed by Steve de Shazer and Insoo Kim Berg, directs attention to what already works — client strengths, past successes, and desired futures — rather than to analyzing problems. Meta-analyses report small-to-moderate positive effects across a range of presenting issues, with particular strength in behavioral problems and depression in adult populations.
6. Name the cycle as the shared enemy
   Give the pattern a name and treat it as the problem — not your partner.
   The Pursuer-Withdrawer Cycle, Explained
7. Coach each other, not just report
   Have your partner help problem-solve the obstacle, not only record the miss.
   Accountability Partners
8. Generate solutions without premature evaluation
   List as many potential solutions as possible before judging any of them.
   Problem-Solving Therapy, Made Practical
9. Build a positive problem orientation
   Treat problems as normal, solvable challenges rather than signs of personal failure.
   Problem-Solving Therapy, Made Practical
10. Evaluate solutions against costs, benefits, and fit
    Rate each solution on likelihood of success, personal costs, and fit with your values.
    Problem-Solving Therapy, Made Practical

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