Coaching practices for Self Concordant Goals During Conflict
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Self Concordant Goals During Conflict, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- Something’s genuinely wrong here and there’s no time to coax everyone to a comfortable yes
- This used to be something I wanted, but ever since my boss started tracking it and someone’s always checking in, it’s curdled into a chore I do for them
- Going into this hard talk I’m trying to win the point AND not hurt the relationship AND not feel like a doormat all at once, and the conversation just goes in circles
- I walk away from conflicts having caved again
- We both keep digging into our positions and neither of us is really hearing why the other one cares
Practices that may help
- Self-Concordant Goals, Made Practical
Self-concordant goals, from Kennon Sheldon, are goals you pursue because they express who you genuinely are or what truly interests you — not because of guilt, social pressure, or external reward. Research finds that self-concordant goals are pursued with more sustained effort and produce greater well-being when achieved, even when the objective difficulty is held constant. - Competing (assertive, uncooperative)
Pursue your own position firmly when speed, principle, or stakes outweigh the relationship cost.
The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles - Protect your sense of autonomy while pursuing the goal
Keep the goal yours even when a coach, boss, or partner is involved in it.
Self-Concordant Goals, Made Practical - Three-goals prioritization: objective, relationship, or self-respect?
Before entering a difficult conversation, decide which of the three goals matters most right now.
DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness: Getting What You Need Without Destroying the Relationship - FAST: maintaining self-respect in difficult interactions
Fair, no Apologies, Stick to values, Truthful — the self-respect compass for high-pressure conversations.
DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness: Getting What You Need Without Destroying the Relationship - Collaborating (assertive and cooperative)
Work the underlying interests until you find a solution that genuinely meets both sides’ needs.
The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles - Find mutual purpose
Establish a shared goal both people care about so the conversation is "us vs the problem".
Crucial Conversations, Made Practical - Separate the person from the problem
Treat the conflict as a problem you face together, not a contest you fight each other.
The Third Alternative, Made Practical - Use fierce self-compassion to stay in hard conversations
Stay present in conflict by meeting your own distress with compassion, so you don't flee or attack.
Fierce Self-Compassion, Made Practical - Surface goal conflicts before they undermine each other
Goals that compete for the same time or emotional bandwidth will suppress each other — make the conflict explicit.
Goal Systems Theory: How Goals Work Together (and Against Each Other)
Related concerns
- Goal Conflict
Goals that compete for the same time or emotional bandwidth will suppress each other — make the conflict explicit.
Surface goal conflicts before they undermine each other
- Goal Conflict Research
Arie Kruglanski’s goal systems theory proposes that goals and the means to achieve them form an associative network in the mind, with each element linked to others. When a single means can serve multiple goals (multifinality), motivation is amplified; when goals compete for the same means or time (goal conflict), pursuing one can suppress or extinguish motivation for another. The theory is well-developed conceptually with a body of supporting experimental research.
- Drive Autonomy Mastery And Purpose During Conflict
In Drive, Daniel Pink argues that for anything beyond simple rote work, traditional carrots-and-sticks underperform intrinsic motivation built from three elements: autonomy (control over your work), mastery (getting better at something that matters), and purpose (serving something larger than yourself). Pink synthesizes decades of motivation research, much of it from self-determination theory.
- Effective One On Ones During Conflict
An effective one-on-one is a recurring, protected meeting that belongs to your report: they own the agenda, and your job is to listen, unblock, and support their growth — not to run a status update. The relational mechanisms (regular contact, voice, support) are well grounded; the specific cadence and format are practitioner craft built on top of them.
- Goal Setting Theory During Conflict
Arie Kruglanski’s goal systems theory proposes that goals and the means to achieve them form an associative network in the mind, with each element linked to others. When a single means can serve multiple goals (multifinality), motivation is amplified; when goals compete for the same means or time (goal conflict), pursuing one can suppress or extinguish motivation for another. The theory is well-developed conceptually with a body of supporting experimental research.
- How To Be Clear In Conflict
Pursue your own position firmly when speed, principle, or stakes outweigh the relationship cost.
Competing (assertive, uncooperative)
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