Coaching practices for Teach a Kid to Not Run From Dogs

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • My kid won’t put on the coat, won’t pack the lunch, and every fiber of me wants to swoop in and save them from the small fallout
  • We keep having the exact same blow-up over the exact same thing, and I’m starting to wonder if my kid genuinely doesn’t know how to handle that moment any other way
  • I end up saying the same thing five times, louder each time, until I’m basically yelling before anything happens
  • My kid has started hiding mistakes and bracing like they’re in trouble before I’ve even said anything, and I think it’s because my first reaction to a spill or a broken thing is always the accusation
  • By the time I actually enforce the thing I said would happen, I’ve lost it

Practices that may help

  1. Allow natural consequences to do the teaching
    Step back and let the world respond — your child learns more from being cold than from being lectured about coats.
    Natural and Logical Consequences (Rudolf Dreikurs)
  2. Take time for training — teach the skill, not just the rule
    Children misbehave partly because they don’t know how to do the right thing — teach the skill when everyone is calm.
    Positive Discipline (Jane Nelsen)
  3. Give clear, calm, single instructions
    One specific direction at a time, calmly stated once, is more effective than repeated commands.
    Triple P Parenting (Matthew Sanders)
  4. Cultivate a "yes brain": curiosity, courage, and resilience over reactivity
    Respond to the child’s world with curiosity and openness rather than threat and control.
    The Whole-Brain Child (Siegel & Bryson)
  5. Follow through on the stated consequence calmly and without anger
    The consequence teaches; the anger confuses — keep them separate.
    Natural and Logical Consequences (Rudolf Dreikurs)
  6. Stay in the situation until anxiety drops
    Remain in the feared situation long enough for distress to fall — leaving early teaches the wrong lesson.
    The Fear Ladder: Graded Exposure Made Practical
  7. Use empathy to de-escalate, not to capitulate
    Name the child’s emotional state without agreeing with every demand — empathy and limits can coexist.
    Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
  8. Treat the emotional moment as a teaching opportunity
    When your child is upset, slow down instead of speeding toward resolution.
    Emotion Coaching (John Gottman)
  9. Use Plan B: the three-step collaborative conversation
    Empathize with the child’s concern, share yours, and invite them to solve it together.
    Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
  10. Refuse to energize negative behavior
    Give consequences briefly and blandly — no energy, no lecture, no drama.
    The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)

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