Coaching practices for The Morning Questions as a Parent

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • When I ask my kid about their day I get one-word answers, and I realize I only ever ask about homework and chores
  • My first reaction when something goes wrong is "why did you DO that?"
  • When I check in on myself it’s always "how did the day go," and the answer always seems to ride on things outside my hands
  • My kid has started hiding mistakes and bracing like they’re in trouble before I’ve even said anything, and I think it’s because my first reaction to a spill or a broken thing is always the accusation
  • My one-on-ones always open with a status check

Practices that may help

  1. The Morning Questions
    Marshall Goldsmith’s morning questions are a daily active question routine in which you score yourself each morning on whether you "did your best" to pursue specific values-based commitments the previous day. The practice reframes self-monitoring from passive measurement ("how did X go?") to active responsibility ("did I try?"), which research on active questions suggests produces greater engagement and honest self-assessment. The evidence base is practitioner-clinical; large-scale trials are limited.
  2. Talk with your child about their day and interests
    Genuine conversational interest builds vocabulary, trust, and the relationship buffer that makes limits land without conflict.
    Triple P Parenting (Matthew Sanders)
  3. Focus on solutions, not blame
    Ask "What can we do to fix this?" rather than "Why did you do that?" — one opens, the other closes.
    Positive Discipline (Jane Nelsen)
  4. Reframe passive questions as active questions
    Ask "did I do my best to...?" rather than "how was my...?" — the word "try" changes what the question measures.
    The Morning Questions
  5. Cultivate a "yes brain": curiosity, courage, and resilience over reactivity
    Respond to the child’s world with curiosity and openness rather than threat and control.
    The Whole-Brain Child (Siegel & Bryson)
  6. The Coaching Habit: Seven Questions to Be More Coach-Like
    Michael Bungay Stanier’s seven questions — from "What’s on your mind?" through "What was most useful for you?" — are a practical system for coaching conversations that takes less than a minute to learn and a career to master. The framework is practitioner-derived from behavioral coaching practice; its mechanisms are grounded in autonomy support, self-determination, and the generation effect. The questions work because they shift the cognitive labor back to the person who owns the problem.
  7. Open with "What’s on your mind?"
    The best opening question is also the most open — it invites exactly what the person most needs to talk about.
    The Coaching Habit: Seven Questions to Be More Coach-Like
  8. Build zone check-ins into the daily routine
    Asking "what zone are you in?" regularly makes zone awareness automatic rather than crisis-only.
    Zones of Regulation (Leah Kuypers)
  9. Include a happiness question — not as an outcome goal but as a signal
    Add "Did I do my best to be happy today?" to the list — not as a target, but as a daily quality-of-life sensor.
    The Morning Questions
  10. Design a personal question list that matches your current growth goals
    Build a short list of active questions that track the behaviors most relevant to your life right now — not a fixed template.
    The Morning Questions

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