Coaching practices for The Nurtured Heart Approach Howard Glasser After a Loss

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • I want my child to carry a solid sense of who they are even when I’m not there to remind them
  • Everyone keeps telling me to move on and get over the loss, but the grief is huge and it won’t go
  • I understand exactly why I feel this way and I’ve looked at it honestly, but understanding it hasn’t made it hurt any less
  • There are certain moments
  • Whatever I’m feeling, I pile on top of it

Practices that may help

  1. The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)
    Howard Glasser’s Nurtured Heart Approach holds that intense, challenging children are energized children who have learned that misbehavior is the most reliable way to get adult attention and engagement. The method systematically reverses that pattern by delivering rich, specific recognition for positive moments and refusing to energize negative behavior. Evidence is primarily clinical and observational — RCTs are limited, but teacher and parent studies show meaningful reductions in behavioral referrals and improved classroom climate.
  2. Build the child’s inner wealth narrative over time
    Consistently reflect back who the child is becoming, not just what they’re doing.
    The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)
  3. Treating grief as a form of gratitude
    When something ends and you feel grief, recognise that the grief is proportional to the love — and let it be both.
    Mono no Aware: The Pathos of Things
  4. RAIN — Nurture (offer what is needed)
    Give the hurting part the care it actually needs — a phrase, a hand on the heart, a kind tone.
    Radical Acceptance, Made Practical
  5. Recognize what is not happening with proactive recognition
    Catch the child not misbehaving and name the success explicitly.
    The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)
  6. N — Nurture with self-compassion
    Offer the part that is suffering what it most needs — care, acknowledgment, reassurance — as you would a dear friend.
    RAIN Meditation: Tara Brach’s Four-Step Practice
  7. Look honestly for what has grown or changed for the better
    Without minimising the loss, notice any growth, change, or perspective that has emerged from it.
    Meaning Reconstruction in Grief, Made Practical
  8. Havening to soften acute grief activation
    Use gentle touch and brief distraction to lower the physiological intensity of grief surges.
    Self-Havening: Calming the Nervous System Through Touch
  9. Identify your natural grieving style and adjust for it
    Know whether you tend toward more loss or more restoration orientation — and compensate accordingly.
    The Dual Process Model of Grief, Made Practical
  10. Domain 2 — New possibilities
    When an old path is closed off, genuinely new directions and priorities can open.
    Post-Traumatic Growth, Made Practical

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