Coaching practices for The Nurtured Heart Approach Howard Glasser During Conflict
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For The Nurtured Heart Approach Howard Glasser During Conflict, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- I want my child to carry a solid sense of who they are even when I’m not there to remind them
- There are certain moments
- Every time I bring up something hard with someone I care about, it turns into attack-and-defend and we both leave more wounded
- I have to bring people into a hard conversation, and I already know everyone’s going to walk in braced for a fight
- The moment a hard topic comes up I go stiff and grim, and that heaviness makes the whole thing feel like a standoff
Practices that may help
- The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)
Howard Glasser’s Nurtured Heart Approach holds that intense, challenging children are energized children who have learned that misbehavior is the most reliable way to get adult attention and engagement. The method systematically reverses that pattern by delivering rich, specific recognition for positive moments and refusing to energize negative behavior. Evidence is primarily clinical and observational — RCTs are limited, but teacher and parent studies show meaningful reductions in behavioral referrals and improved classroom climate. - Build the child’s inner wealth narrative over time
Consistently reflect back who the child is becoming, not just what they’re doing.
The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser) - Recognize what is not happening with proactive recognition
Catch the child not misbehaving and name the success explicitly.
The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser) - GIVE: maintaining the relationship while getting what you need
Gentle, Interested, Validate, Easy manner — the relational container for any difficult conversation.
DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness: Getting What You Need Without Destroying the Relationship - Open every circle by naming shared values
Shared values create the psychological container that makes honest dialogue possible.
The Circle Process (Kay Pranis) - Easy Manner: bring a light touch when appropriate
Use humor, lightness, and warmth to remind both of you that the relationship is bigger than this conflict.
GIVE: DBT’s Skill for Preserving Relationships During Difficult Conversations - Separate the person from the problem
Treat the conflict as a problem you face together, not a contest you fight each other.
The Third Alternative, Made Practical - Collaborating (assertive and cooperative)
Work the underlying interests until you find a solution that genuinely meets both sides’ needs.
The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles - Transform the relationship, not just the issue
Use each conflict as an opportunity to raise the quality of the relationship itself.
The Third Alternative, Made Practical - Using relationship crucibles as growth opportunities
Treat the moments your relationship is most difficult as the exact situations where growth becomes possible.
Differentiation of Self: David Schnarch’s Framework for Passionate Marriage
Related concerns
- Attachment Theory Made Usable During Conflict
Attachment theory holds that early relationships shape internal "working models" of how safe and responsive closeness is, producing broadly secure, anxious, avoidant, or disorganized patterns that carry into adult relationships. The styles are tendencies, not fixed types — and a substantial body of research suggests people can move toward "earned security" through corrective relationships and deliberate practice.
- Broaden And Build During Conflict
Barbara Fredrickson’s broaden-and-build theory proposes that positive emotions — joy, curiosity, love, gratitude, awe — temporarily broaden thought-action repertoires (making thinking more flexible and creative) and, over time, build durable psychological resources including resilience, social connection, and cognitive flexibility. The theory is supported by experimental evidence for the broadening effect; the longer-term building effects are primarily observational.
- Common Ground In Conflict
Establish a shared goal both people care about so the conversation is "us vs the problem".
Find mutual purpose
- How To Be Clear In Conflict
Pursue your own position firmly when speed, principle, or stakes outweigh the relationship cost.
Competing (assertive, uncooperative)
- How To Stay Grounded In Conflict
Use each conflict as an opportunity to raise the quality of the relationship itself.
Transform the relationship, not just the issue
- Relationship Growth Through Difficulty
Treat the moments your relationship is most difficult as the exact situations where growth becomes possible.
Using relationship crucibles as growth opportunities
Describe your situation in your own words to search the complete practice library.