Coaching practices for Common Ground in Conflict

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Common Ground in Conflict, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• Every time we get into this it turns into my side versus theirs, two solutions dug in, and it never occurs to either of us that we might actually want the same thing underneath the fight.
• This disagreement has hardened into us-versus-them, like we want completely opposite things
• Somewhere in this I stopped seeing a problem we both have and started seeing the other person AS the problem
• We both keep digging into our positions and neither of us is really hearing why the other one cares
• We solve the immediate thing but the same ugly dynamic underneath stays exactly the same, so the next disagreement plays out identically

Practices that may help

1. Find mutual purpose
   Establish a shared goal both people care about so the conversation is "us vs the problem".
   Crucial Conversations, Made Practical
2. Map shared values before mapping the disagreement
   In any conflict, identify the values or goals you and the other person genuinely share before cataloguing differences.
   Naive Realism: Why Everyone Thinks They See Things as They Are
3. Separate the person from the problem
   Treat the conflict as a problem you face together, not a contest you fight each other.
   The Third Alternative, Made Practical
4. Collaborating (assertive and cooperative)
   Work the underlying interests until you find a solution that genuinely meets both sides’ needs.
   The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles
5. Transform the relationship, not just the issue
   Use each conflict as an opportunity to raise the quality of the relationship itself.
   The Third Alternative, Made Practical
6. Map what you actually agree on before diving into the disagreement
   Start by explicitly building the shared map before marking where it diverges.
   Productive Disagreement, Made Practical
7. Open every circle by naming shared values
   Shared values create the psychological container that makes honest dialogue possible.
   The Circle Process (Kay Pranis)
8. Identify compatible interests for joint gain
   When both sides care about the same thing — quality, reputation, timing — agreements that serve that shared interest outperform splits.
   Interests vs. Positions: The Core of Integrative Negotiation
9. Learn the dream inside your partner's position
   Behind every recurring argument is a personal dream or value; find and honor it.
   Love Maps: Knowing Your Partner's Inner World
10. Compromising (moderate on both)
    Split the difference when a fast, fair, good-enough solution beats holding out for the perfect one.
    The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles

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