Coaching practices for The Satir Model After a Loss
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For The Satir Model After a Loss, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- When I’m upset it all comes out as "you did this, you always do that"
- Every time a conversation gets tense I snap into the same reaction without choosing it
- When things get emotionally charged I retreat into being calm and logical, marshaling airtight arguments from behind a wall
- When something goes wrong I spiral straight into the dark conclusion and the bad feeling, and I want an actual step-by-step way to slow that down and argue back with evidence instead of just sinking.
- After a rejection or a bad day my mind spins the same dark story on a loop and I can’t find where it’s actually going wrong
Practices that may help
- The Satir Model
Virginia Satir’s model identifies four defensive communication stances people adopt under stress — Placating, Blaming, Computing, and Distracting — each driven by low self-worth. The fifth stance, Congruent communication, aligns what you feel, what you say, and your regard for yourself and the other person simultaneously. Satir used the model clinically with families and couples; the goal is not to eliminate the stances but to recognize them and choose congruence. - Correct blaming by adding accountability for self
When blaming, add an honest account of your own contribution to the problem.
The Satir Model - Recognize your own defensive stance under stress
Identify which stance you default to when threatened — placating, blaming, computing, or distracting.
The Satir Model - Correct computing by adding the emotional layer
When you’ve gone cold and logical, add the feeling that’s driving the analysis.
The Satir Model - Run the ABCDE disputation
Map adversity → belief → consequence, then dispute the belief with evidence.
Learned Optimism: Seligman’s ABCDE Method - USA journaling: write your way to acceptance
After a failure or rejection, write out the ABC chain and the USA disputation before bed.
Unconditional Self-Acceptance - Work on the self-worth beneath the stances
The defensive stances protect against low self-worth — building the worth reduces the need for protection.
The Satir Model - Zoom out from the single loss to the aggregate
A loss looks catastrophic in isolation and trivial across the whole portfolio of your life.
Loss Aversion, Made Practical - Run brief after-action reviews without blame
After any significant outcome — success or failure — ask four questions together as a team.
Psychological Safety in Teams - Dispute the pessimistic thought
Treat a pessimistic prediction as a hypothesis and argue against it with evidence and alternatives.
Optimism Training: Building Realistic, Flexible Optimism
Related concerns
- The Satir Model As A Caregiver
Virginia Satir’s model identifies four defensive communication stances people adopt under stress — Placating, Blaming, Computing, and Distracting — each driven by low self-worth. The fifth stance, Congruent communication, aligns what you feel, what you say, and your regard for yourself and the other person simultaneously. Satir used the model clinically with families and couples; the goal is not to eliminate the stances but to recognize them and choose congruence.
- The Satir Model As A Parent
Virginia Satir’s model identifies four defensive communication stances people adopt under stress — Placating, Blaming, Computing, and Distracting — each driven by low self-worth. The fifth stance, Congruent communication, aligns what you feel, what you say, and your regard for yourself and the other person simultaneously. Satir used the model clinically with families and couples; the goal is not to eliminate the stances but to recognize them and choose congruence.
- The Satir Model At Work
Virginia Satir’s model identifies four defensive communication stances people adopt under stress — Placating, Blaming, Computing, and Distracting — each driven by low self-worth. The fifth stance, Congruent communication, aligns what you feel, what you say, and your regard for yourself and the other person simultaneously. Satir used the model clinically with families and couples; the goal is not to eliminate the stances but to recognize them and choose congruence.
- The Satir Model For My Teenager
Virginia Satir’s model identifies four defensive communication stances people adopt under stress — Placating, Blaming, Computing, and Distracting — each driven by low self-worth. The fifth stance, Congruent communication, aligns what you feel, what you say, and your regard for yourself and the other person simultaneously. Satir used the model clinically with families and couples; the goal is not to eliminate the stances but to recognize them and choose congruence.
- Virginia Satir Communication Model
Virginia Satir’s model identifies four defensive communication stances people adopt under stress — Placating, Blaming, Computing, and Distracting — each driven by low self-worth. The fifth stance, Congruent communication, aligns what you feel, what you say, and your regard for yourself and the other person simultaneously. Satir used the model clinically with families and couples; the goal is not to eliminate the stances but to recognize them and choose congruence.
- Virginia Satir Placating Blaming
Virginia Satir’s model identifies four defensive communication stances people adopt under stress — Placating, Blaming, Computing, and Distracting — each driven by low self-worth. The fifth stance, Congruent communication, aligns what you feel, what you say, and your regard for yourself and the other person simultaneously. Satir used the model clinically with families and couples; the goal is not to eliminate the stances but to recognize them and choose congruence.
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