Take their perspective accurately

Build a precise model of how the situation looks from their side, not a caricature.

Why it works

Perspective-taking — actively modeling another’s thoughts and constraints — increases cooperation and reduces hostile attribution, because it replaces the worst-case story you invented with their actual reasoning. Accuracy is the point: a sympathetic-but-wrong guess still misses them.

How to do it

1. Before responding, articulate their interests and constraints as they’d state them.
2. Distinguish perspective-taking (what they think) from sympathy (feeling sorry for them).
3. Check your model out loud and update it when they correct you.

Evidence

Perspective-taking is associated in research with more cooperative, less adversarial interactions; it’s a well-studied prosocial mechanism. (observational)

Inaccurate perspective-taking can backfire — confidently guessing wrong feels worse than not guessing. Verify rather than assume.

Common mistake

Assuming you already know their view and projecting your own onto them, which produces empathy for a person who isn’t actually there.