Coaching practices for The Six Pillars of Self Esteem Before Bed

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • My days are just whatever circumstances throw at me
  • I keep acting against what I say I value and breaking the small promises I make to myself, and each time I lose a little face with the one person I can never get away from
  • I keep swallowing what I actually want and going along to keep the peace, and every time I stay silent against my own wishes it quietly tells me my needs don’t matter
  • When I look back on my day it’s either all the ways I screwed up or a vague "it was fine"
  • I’ve got a big evaluation looming and I can already feel myself bracing to defend my whole worth on it

Practices that may help

  1. The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
    Nathaniel Branden defines self-esteem as the experience of being competent to meet life’s challenges and worthy of happiness, and argues it is built through six daily practices: living consciously, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, living purposefully, and personal integrity. Branden’s framework is clinically derived practitioner theory rather than trial-tested protocol, though each pillar overlaps with constructs that have their own research.
  2. The practice of living purposefully
    Set goals, pursue them deliberately, and monitor whether your actions match your intentions.
    The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
  3. The practice of personal integrity
    Keep your behavior aligned with your stated values — match your walk to your talk.
    The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
  4. The practice of self-assertiveness
    Honor your wants, needs, and values by expressing them in the world — appropriately and openly.
    The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
  5. The three-question evening review
    Ask three questions before sleep: What did I do wrong? What did I succeed at? What could I have done better?
    The Pythagorean Evening Review
  6. Write about a value that matters to you
    Before a stressful or threatening situation, spend five minutes writing about a value that is genuinely important to you.
    Self-Affirmation Theory, Made Practical
  7. The practice of self-acceptance
    Be for yourself — refuse to be your own adversary, even about the parts you want to change.
    The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
  8. The practice of self-responsibility
    Own that you are the author of your choices, actions, and the fulfillment of your wants.
    The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
  9. The Pythagorean evening examination (Hadot’s version)
    Before sleep, review the day in three questions: Where did I go wrong? What did I succeed at? What remains undone?
    Pierre Hadot’s Spiritual Exercises
  10. The practice of living consciously
    Bring awareness to what you are doing and seeing, rather than acting on autopilot or avoidance.
    The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical

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