Coaching practices for The Six Pillars of Self Esteem with My Partner

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For The Six Pillars of Self Esteem with My Partner, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• I can’t tell whether I’m okay until I read my partner’s face
• There’s one thing I’m really trying to become, and I wish my partner would just trust I can
• I keep acting against what I say I value and breaking the small promises I make to myself, and each time I lose a little face with the one person I can never get away from
• I keep waiting for someone else to fix my situation or change so things get better
• My days are just whatever circumstances throw at me

Practices that may help

1. The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
   Nathaniel Branden defines self-esteem as the experience of being competent to meet life’s challenges and worthy of happiness, and argues it is built through six daily practices: living consciously, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, living purposefully, and personal integrity. Branden’s framework is clinically derived practitioner theory rather than trial-tested protocol, though each pillar overlaps with constructs that have their own research.
2. Moving from other-validation to self-validation
   Gradually replace the need for your partner’s approval with the ability to hold your own self-regard.
   Differentiation of Self: David Schnarch’s Framework for Passionate Marriage
3. Explicitly asking your partner to treat you as your ideal self
   Name one quality of your ideal self and ask your partner to treat you as if you already have it.
   The Michelangelo Phenomenon: How Partners Sculpt Each Other
4. The practice of personal integrity
   Keep your behavior aligned with your stated values — match your walk to your talk.
   The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
5. The practice of self-responsibility
   Own that you are the author of your choices, actions, and the fulfillment of your wants.
   The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
6. The practice of living purposefully
   Set goals, pursue them deliberately, and monitor whether your actions match your intentions.
   The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
7. The practice of self-assertiveness
   Honor your wants, needs, and values by expressing them in the world — appropriately and openly.
   The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
8. Create and protect the couple bubble
   Agree that you each put the relationship above any third party, including family of origin.
   Secure-Functioning Relationships
9. Behavioral confirmation audit: how are you treating your partner?
   Regularly examine whether your daily behavior toward your partner confirms their ideal self or their non-ideal self.
   The Michelangelo Phenomenon: How Partners Sculpt Each Other
10. Mapping your ideal self explicitly
    Articulate specifically who your ideal self is — the person you are working toward — so your partner can sculpt toward it rather than guessing.
    The Michelangelo Phenomenon: How Partners Sculpt Each Other

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