Coaching practices for The Trust Equation During Conflict
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For The Trust Equation During Conflict, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- I keep everything at work behind a polished, guarded front
- We solve the immediate thing but the same ugly dynamic underneath stays exactly the same, so the next disagreement plays out identically
- We had a bad fight and now I’m just waiting for things to feel normal again on their own
- The second we start disagreeing, all the warmth drains out and it’s pure opposition
- Somewhere in this I stopped seeing a problem we both have and started seeing the other person AS the problem
Practices that may help
- The Trust Equation, Made Practical
The Trust Equation (Maister, Green, and Galford) holds that trustworthiness = (credibility + reliability + intimacy) ÷ self-orientation. The model is a practitioner framework rather than a rigorously tested theory, but it usefully names the levers — especially self-orientation, which is the single biggest trust-killer most leaders overlook. - Lower your guard to raise the intimacy score
Sharing something real about yourself makes others feel safer sharing something real with you.
The Trust Equation, Made Practical - Transform the relationship, not just the issue
Use each conflict as an opportunity to raise the quality of the relationship itself.
The Third Alternative, Made Practical - Actively restore the ratio after a major rupture
After a bad fight, the ratio is temporarily negative -- restoration requires intentional positive investment.
The Magic Relationship Ratio: Gottman's 5-to-1 Principle - Maintain positive tone even during disagreement
The ratio matters most when you are fighting -- keep warmth and acknowledgment present inside conflict.
The Magic Relationship Ratio: Gottman's 5-to-1 Principle - Separate the person from the problem
Treat the conflict as a problem you face together, not a contest you fight each other.
The Third Alternative, Made Practical - Use Collaborating when the relationship and the solution both matter
Collaborating — high assertive, high cooperative — finds a solution that genuinely works for both parties, but it takes time.
The Thomas–Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) - Protect fondness actively during and after conflict
Conflict is the test of PSO — deliberately hold the positive frame while the negative one is loudest.
Positive Sentiment Override: How to Build the Lens That Protects Relationships - Earn the right to deepen the relationship in stages
Trust compounds over time — start with technical credibility and expand into intimacy as it is earned.
The Trust Equation, Made Practical - Collaborating (assertive and cooperative)
Work the underlying interests until you find a solution that genuinely meets both sides’ needs.
The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles
Related concerns
- Assertive Conflict Approach
Pursue your own position firmly when speed, principle, or stakes outweigh the relationship cost.
Competing (assertive, uncooperative)
- Synergy In Conflict
Collaborating — high assertive, high cooperative — finds a solution that genuinely works for both parties, but it takes time.
Use Collaborating when the relationship and the solution both matter
- The Minto Pyramid Principle During Conflict
Barbara Minto’s Pyramid Principle says to lead with the answer, then support it with grouped, parallel reasoning. The approach originated at McKinsey and is widely adopted in consulting, law, and business writing. Direct evidence for its superiority over other structures is limited — it is established professional practice rather than an experimentally validated method.
- The Trust Triangle During Conflict
Charles Feltman’s Trust Triangle (from The Thin Book of Trust) identifies four distinct assessments that together constitute trust: sincerity (I mean what I say), reliability (I do what I say), competence (I have the ability to do what I say), and care (I have your interests at heart). Trust breaks down when any one of these assessments fails — and repairing trust requires identifying which assessment was damaged.
- Active Constructive Responding During Conflict
Shelly Gable’s research found that how partners respond to each other’s good news — not just how they handle bad news — predicts relationship quality. There are four response styles crossed on two axes (active vs passive, constructive vs destructive); only active-constructive responding, which is enthusiastic and engaged, reliably strengthens the bond. This "capitalization" work has a solid research base in relationship science.
- Atomic Habits During Conflict
The ratio matters most when you are fighting -- keep warmth and acknowledgment present inside conflict.
Maintain positive tone even during disagreement
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