Coaching practices for Three Restorative Questions
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Three Restorative Questions, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- Something went wrong between us and everyone immediately jumps to whose fault it is
- We’re trying to settle this just between the two of us, but the truth is a whole group felt the fallout and their trust took a hit too
- This conversation keeps circling back to whose fault the whole thing was, and we just relitigate the past over and over
- In these conversations I fire off question after question like an interrogation, and the other person closes up rather than opening
- Every time I question someone’s decision they get defensive and start justifying themselves instead of actually thinking, and I can’t figure out why my questions keep landing like accusations.
Practices that may help
- Ask the three restorative questions
Start every harm conversation with: who was hurt, what do they need, and who is responsible for meeting those needs?
Restorative Justice (Howard Zehr) - Restorative Justice (Howard Zehr)
Restorative justice is an approach to harm that focuses on repairing relationships and meeting the needs of those harmed, rather than on punishment. Developed by Howard Zehr and others, it asks three questions: Who was harmed? What do they need? Who is responsible for meeting those needs? Research on restorative programs shows higher victim satisfaction and, in many contexts, lower reoffending compared to conventional punitive approaches — though results vary by context. - Involve the affected community, not just the two parties
Harm rarely affects only two people — include those affected by the ripple.
Restorative Justice (Howard Zehr) - Ask "What do we need to do to move forward?"
Forward-facing questions shift energy from arguing about the past to solving for the future.
Calibrated Questions, Made Practical - Use OARS to make the person feel understood
Open questions, Affirmations, Reflections, Summaries — the four core micro-skills.
Motivational Interviewing, Made Practical - Replace "why" with "how" or "what"
"Why" sounds accusatory; "how" and "what" invite problem-solving.
Calibrated Questions, Made Practical - The Miracle Question: Designing Your Life Without the Problem
The miracle question — "Suppose a miracle happened and the problem was solved while you slept — how would you know? What would be different?" — is a solution-focused technique that bypasses problem-analysis and invites clients to describe, in concrete behavioral detail, what they actually want. It is a clinical tool within SFBT, which has moderate RCT support; the question itself has not been isolated in controlled trials but is widely used and clinically well-supported. - Ensure participation is voluntary for all parties
Restorative processes only work when everyone — especially the harmed party — chooses to participate.
Restorative Justice (Howard Zehr) - The three-question evening review
Ask three questions before sleep: What did I do wrong? What did I succeed at? What could I have done better?
The Pythagorean Evening Review - Use check-in and check-out rounds to hold the whole person
Every circle opens with a personal check-in and closes with a check-out — creating a container with a beginning and an end.
The Circle Process (Kay Pranis)
Related concerns
- Impact Statement Restorative Justice
Harm rarely affects only two people — include those affected by the ripple.
Involve the affected community, not just the two parties
- Restorative Justice Community
Harm rarely affects only two people — include those affected by the ripple.
- Restorative Justice Howard Zehr After A Loss
Restorative justice is an approach to harm that focuses on repairing relationships and meeting the needs of those harmed, rather than on punishment. Developed by Howard Zehr and others, it asks three questions: Who was harmed? What do they need? Who is responsible for meeting those needs? Research on restorative programs shows higher victim satisfaction and, in many contexts, lower reoffending compared to conventional punitive approaches — though results vary by context.
- Restorative Justice Howard Zehr After A Setback
Restorative justice is an approach to harm that focuses on repairing relationships and meeting the needs of those harmed, rather than on punishment. Developed by Howard Zehr and others, it asks three questions: Who was harmed? What do they need? Who is responsible for meeting those needs? Research on restorative programs shows higher victim satisfaction and, in many contexts, lower reoffending compared to conventional punitive approaches — though results vary by context.
- Restorative Justice Howard Zehr At Work
Restorative justice is an approach to harm that focuses on repairing relationships and meeting the needs of those harmed, rather than on punishment. Developed by Howard Zehr and others, it asks three questions: Who was harmed? What do they need? Who is responsible for meeting those needs? Research on restorative programs shows higher victim satisfaction and, in many contexts, lower reoffending compared to conventional punitive approaches — though results vary by context.
- Restorative Justice Howard Zehr During A Big Change
Restorative justice is an approach to harm that focuses on repairing relationships and meeting the needs of those harmed, rather than on punishment. Developed by Howard Zehr and others, it asks three questions: Who was harmed? What do they need? Who is responsible for meeting those needs? Research on restorative programs shows higher victim satisfaction and, in many contexts, lower reoffending compared to conventional punitive approaches — though results vary by context.
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