Coaching practices for Tonglen the Tibetan Practice of Taking and Sending as a Caregiver
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Tonglen the Tibetan Practice of Taking and Sending as a Caregiver, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- I pass real suffering all day
- My whole instinct is to push pain away and grab at anything that feels good, and I’m tired of how walled-off that makes me
- My pain comes wrapped in this lonely conviction that I’m the only one who feels this exact thing, that something’s uniquely wrong with me
- Someone I love is suffering and there is nothing I can actually do to fix it, and that helplessness is unbearable
- When I try to breathe in suffering from a raw, already-shaky place it just pulls me under rather than opening me
Practices that may help
- Tonglen: The Tibetan Practice of Taking and Sending
Tonglen ("taking and sending") is a Tibetan Buddhist compassion practice in which the practitioner breathes in suffering — their own or another’s — and breathes out relief, ease, and goodwill. It works by deliberately moving toward pain rather than away from it, which gradually reduces the fear of suffering and expands the capacity for compassion. Evidence is largely clinical and mechanistic; direct RCTs on tonglen specifically are sparse, though compassion training more broadly shows meaningful effects. - Use flash tonglen in the moment of encountering suffering
A single in-breath of someone’s pain and an out-breath of goodwill is a complete act of tonglen.
Tonglen: The Tibetan Practice of Taking and Sending - Tonglen: sending and taking
Breathe in suffering (yours and others’); breathe out relief and well-being.
Lojong: Tibetan Mind Training - Expand tonglen to include all beings who share this suffering
Whatever you are suffering, countless others feel it too — breathe in the shared pain, breathe out shared relief.
Tonglen: The Tibetan Practice of Taking and Sending - Direct tonglen toward a specific suffering person
Bring a person who is suffering to mind and breathe in their pain; breathe out whatever would give them relief.
Tonglen: The Tibetan Practice of Taking and Sending - Prepare for tonglen with a brief equanimity grounding
Entering tonglen from a grounded, spacious state makes the practice sustainable rather than destabilising.
Tonglen: The Tibetan Practice of Taking and Sending - Practice tonglen for your own suffering first
Use your own current pain as the object before extending the practice to others.
Tonglen: The Tibetan Practice of Taking and Sending - Investigate resistance to the practice honestly
The impulse not to breathe in suffering is information about where your self-protective contraction lives.
Tonglen: The Tibetan Practice of Taking and Sending - Work with the classical two-breath texture
Breathe in something hot, dark, and heavy; breathe out something cool, bright, and spacious.
Tonglen: The Tibetan Practice of Taking and Sending - Always abide by the three principles
Maintain your vow, don’t show off, and practise impartially with everyone — not just the people you like.
Lojong: Tibetan Mind Training
Related concerns
- Directed Tonglen Practice
Tonglen ("taking and sending") is a Tibetan Buddhist compassion practice in which the practitioner breathes in suffering — their own or another’s — and breathes out relief, ease, and goodwill. It works by deliberately moving toward pain rather than away from it, which gradually reduces the fear of suffering and expands the capacity for compassion. Evidence is largely clinical and mechanistic; direct RCTs on tonglen specifically are sparse, though compassion training more broadly shows meaningful effects.
- How To Practice Tonglen Meditation
Tonglen ("taking and sending") is a Tibetan Buddhist compassion practice in which the practitioner breathes in suffering — their own or another’s — and breathes out relief, ease, and goodwill. It works by deliberately moving toward pain rather than away from it, which gradually reduces the fear of suffering and expands the capacity for compassion. Evidence is largely clinical and mechanistic; direct RCTs on tonglen specifically are sparse, though compassion training more broadly shows meaningful effects.
- Brief Tonglen Daily Life
A single in-breath of someone’s pain and an out-breath of goodwill is a complete act of tonglen.
Use flash tonglen in the moment of encountering suffering
- Hot Dark Heavy Tonglen
Breathe in something hot, dark, and heavy; breathe out something cool, bright, and spacious.
Work with the classical two-breath texture
- Informal Tonglen Practice
A single in-breath of someone’s pain and an out-breath of goodwill is a complete act of tonglen.
- Tonglen For Beginners
Tonglen ("taking and sending") is a Tibetan Buddhist compassion practice in which the practitioner breathes in suffering — their own or another’s — and breathes out relief, ease, and goodwill. It works by deliberately moving toward pain rather than away from it, which gradually reduces the fear of suffering and expands the capacity for compassion. Evidence is largely clinical and mechanistic; direct RCTs on tonglen specifically are sparse, though compassion training more broadly shows meaningful effects.
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