Coaching practices for Treat Others How They Want to Be Treated
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Treat Others How They Want to Be Treated, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- I bend over backwards to be fair to everyone else and then quietly leave myself out of the equation entirely
- I treat my whole team the same way and run the same kind of one-on-one with everyone, and it’s landing flat
- I’ll bend over backwards for everyone else, but the idea of being that gentle with myself feels selfish
- I quietly resent that people don’t communicate with me the way I need
- I’m kind and openhearted with the people I already love and quietly closed off to the ones who get under my skin, and I’m realizing that warmth that only flows toward easy people isn’t really the practice
Practices that may help
- Be Fair: include yourself in the fairness you extend to others
Apply the same standards of fairness to yourself that you would to someone you respect.
FAST: DBT’s Skill for Maintaining Self-Respect in Relationships - The Platinum Rule
The Platinum Rule — "treat others the way they want to be treated" — is Tony Alessandra’s communication framework that inverts the Golden Rule’s assumption that your own preferences are a reliable guide to others’. It requires first understanding how another person prefers to communicate, receive feedback, and make decisions, then adapting your style to meet them there. - Treat each person as an individual with distinct needs and aspirations
Know what each team member needs to grow and provide support tailored to them.
Transformational Leadership, Made Practical - Include acts of kindness toward yourself
The kindness architecture that builds well-being includes self-directed kindness — not just other-directed.
Acts of Kindness, Made Practical - Disclose your own style preferences to others
Tell people how you best receive information — so they can Platinum-Rule you back.
The Platinum Rule - Always abide by the three principles
Maintain your vow, don’t show off, and practise impartially with everyone — not just the people you like.
Lojong: Tibetan Mind Training - Replace critic monologue with compassionate self-talk
Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a close friend in the same situation.
Working With Your Inner Critic - Ground ethics in love and compassion, not rule compliance
Let care for others — not fear of violation — be the engine of your moral conduct.
The Perennial Philosophy, Made Practical - The concentric-circle extension of ren
Deliberately extend the quality of care you have for those closest to you toward more distant others.
Confucian Self-Cultivation: The Mencius Approach - Apply self-kindness as actively as you would to a friend
Treat yourself with the same warmth and understanding you would offer a close friend in the same situation.
Self-Worth vs. Self-Esteem
Related concerns
- Fair To Yourself
Apply the same standards of fairness to yourself that you would to someone you respect.
Be Fair: include yourself in the fairness you extend to others
- Ren Benevolence Practice
Silently offer a quick well-wish to people you encounter during the day.
On-the-spot metta in real interactions
- Treat Yourself Like A Friend
Treat yourself with the same warmth and understanding you would offer a close friend in the same situation.
Apply self-kindness as actively as you would to a friend
- When Acts Of Kindness Kindness To Self
The kindness architecture that builds well-being includes self-directed kindness — not just other-directed.
Include acts of kindness toward yourself
- When Fast Skill Be Fair To Yourself
Apply the same standards of fairness to yourself that you would to someone you respect.
- When Self Forgiveness Procrastination Extend Compassion To Self
Ask what you would say to a capable friend who had delayed on the same task — then say that.
Extend the compassion you would give a friend to yourself
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