Coaching practices for Values Clarification for My Teenager

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Values Clarification for My Teenager, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• I want my child to carry a solid sense of who they are even when I’m not there to remind them
• Every disagreement turns into a fight over whose version of reality is right, and we both just dig in harder
• My child has gotten so used to being "the difficult one" that they act like it’s just who they are
• They tell me what kind of parent or partner they want to be, and it’s miles from how they’re actually living
• I’m busy chasing things but half of them feel like what I’m supposed to want, not what I actually do

Practices that may help

1. Build the child’s inner wealth narrative over time
   Consistently reflect back who the child is becoming, not just what they’re doing.
   The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)
2. Values Clarification, Made Practical
   Values clarification is the work of naming what matters most to you, sorting the genuine priorities from the inherited ones, and using them to guide real choices. The methods — card sorts, ranking, value-consistent action — draw heavily on values work in acceptance-and-commitment therapy (ACT), which has clinical support; living in line with your values correlates with wellbeing in observational research.
3. Validate: acknowledge what makes sense about their perspective
   Find the part of their view that is understandable given their experience — and say so.
   GIVE: DBT’s Skill for Preserving Relationships During Difficult Conversations
4. Use experiential recognition to highlight strengths in the moment
   Catch the child demonstrating a virtue and name the virtue directly.
   The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)
5. Develop discrepancy between values and behavior
   Gently hold up the gap between what the person wants and what they’re doing.
   Motivational Interviewing, Made Practical
6. Values clarification
   Name the directions you want your life to move in, distinct from goals you can check off.
   Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Made Practical
7. Talk with your child about their day and interests
   Genuine conversational interest builds vocabulary, trust, and the relationship buffer that makes limits land without conflict.
   Triple P Parenting (Matthew Sanders)
8. Set limits on behavior while accepting the feeling
   All feelings are acceptable; not all behaviors are — hold both at once.
   Emotion Coaching (John Gottman)
9. Listen empathically and validate the feeling
   Reflect the emotion you see accurately before you do anything else.
   Emotion Coaching (John Gottman)
10. Sportscast what you see rather than directing
    Narrate the play without evaluation, question, or instruction.
    Special Time (Lawrence Cohen — Playful Parenting)

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