Coaching practices for Since I Started Sitting in Silence Old Buried Feelings and Memories Keep Welling Up During and After and it Unnerves Me I Don't Know Whether This Surfacing is Part of the Healing or a Sign to Stop
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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- Since I started sitting in silence, old buried feelings and memories keep welling up during and after, and it unnerves me
- Sometimes a small thing sets off this huge, familiar wave of old hurt that’s way bigger than the moment deserves
- I’m stuck at one of two extremes with hard feelings
- The same old grievance keeps surfacing on its own
- I keep trying to shove this feeling down or talk myself out of it, and the harder I fight it the worse it gets
Practices that may help
- Allowing the "divine therapy" — psychological healing through practice
Expect that regular centering prayer surfaces buried emotional material, and allow it.
Centering Prayer: The Method of Thomas Keating - Recognizing the pain-body
Spot the accumulated old emotional pain that flares up and feeds on reactive thought.
The Power of Now, In Practice - Mindful awareness of suffering
Hold painful feelings in balanced awareness — neither suppressing them nor being swept away by them.
Self-Compassion, Made Practical - Memory cleaning (releasing the past)
Identify a grievance you are still carrying and practice releasing it rather than replaying it.
Ho'oponopono: Hawaiian Forgiveness and Reconciliation - A — Allow the experience to be as it is
Let what is present be here, without pushing it away, numbing it, or elaborating it.
RAIN Meditation: Tara Brach’s Four-Step Practice - Receive what comes with friendliness
Welcome whatever emerges from the felt sense without judgment or urgency to fix it.
Focusing and the Felt Sense, Made Practical - Havening to soften acute grief activation
Use gentle touch and brief distraction to lower the physiological intensity of grief surges.
Self-Havening: Calming the Nervous System Through Touch - Meeting exiles (with care)
Gently turn toward the wounded, exiled parts that protectors work to keep hidden.
Internal Family Systems (IFS), Made Practical - Use silence intentionally
Resist the urge to fill pauses — silence gives the speaker room to go deeper.
Reflective Listening: The Carl Rogers Method - Use the Pennebaker expressive writing protocol for difficult experiences
Write continuously for 15-20 minutes about a difficult experience — including your thoughts, feelings, and its connection to the rest of your life.
Journaling for Clarity
Related concerns
- How Do I Let Go Of My Past I Keep Ruminating And Holding On To The Bad Aspects Of My Life
Actively remember experiences, relationships, and strengths from the past that support rather than undermine you.
Cultivate a past-positive lens
- How To Get Through Emotional Pain
Use Activities, Contributing, Comparisons, Emotions, Pushing away, Thoughts, and Sensations to redirect attention during a crisis.
ACCEPTS — structured distraction from crisis
- How To Sit With Difficult Emotions
When a difficult emotion arises during open monitoring, stay in the witnessing position rather than contracting or escaping.
Meeting emotion in open presence
- Open Presence Difficult Emotion
When a difficult emotion arises during open monitoring, stay in the witnessing position rather than contracting or escaping.
- When Grief Tasks Model Processing Grief Pain
Allow and process the emotional and physical pain of loss rather than bypassing it.
Task 2: Work through the pain of grief
- When Ifs Unburdening Prepare The Ground
Before approaching any exiled part, get explicit permission from the protectors guarding it.
Prepare the ground: get protectors on board first
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