Coaching practices for I'm Not Sure My Stated Values Are Real or Just the Ones I Think I Should Have I Want to Dig Back Through the Actual Choices Where I Gave One Thing Up for Another Because What I Was Unwilling to Sacrifice is the Truth About What I Value Not What I Claim
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For I'm Not Sure My Stated Values Are Real or Just the Ones I Think I Should Have I Want to Dig Back Through the Actual Choices Where I Gave One Thing Up for Another Because What I Was Unwilling to Sacrifice is the Truth About What I Value Not What I Claim, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- I’m not sure my stated values are real or just the ones I think I should have
- I say I value family, or health, or creativity
- I’ve named my top values, but looking back at the actual decisions I made this week, I’m not sure my behavior honored a single one of them
- I say I value certain things, but when I look honestly at how I actually spent my week, my real priorities were something else entirely
- I’ve got a short list of values but they’re all just sitting there as equals, and the second two of them collide in real life
Practices that may help
- Excavate your actual values from your history
Use past choices and sacrifices — not aspirations — to find what you actually value.
Life Review and Reminiscence Therapy - Values clarification through lived evidence
Infer your actual values from your past behaviour, not from what you wish you valued.
Svadhyaya: Self-Study as a Daily Practice - The values–behavior gap check
Audit the last week: which of your top values did your actual decisions honor?
Values Card Sort - Check action against stated values — the alignment review
Once a week, compare your stated values to your actual choices and name the gap honestly.
The Pythagorean Evening Review - Rank your top values
Force a strict order among your finalists so conflicts resolve in advance.
Values Clarification, Made Practical - Clarify values and choose them actively
Name what genuinely matters to you — not what should matter — and make it a live choice today.
Psychological Flexibility, Made Practical - The forced-rank sort
Write your top 20 candidate values on cards, then sort them ruthlessly until you have a ranked top five.
Values Card Sort - Values clarification: what matters most to you?
Identify 3–5 core values — not what you should value, but what actually matters when life is stripped back.
Values-Based Action (ACT), Made Practical - Audit your time against your values
Compare where your hours actually go to the values you say you hold.
Values Clarification, Made Practical - Choose authentically — from your own values, not from expectation
Make choices that reflect your actual values rather than the role others have assigned you.
Existentialism and Radical Choice
Related concerns
- Finding Your Real Values
Infer your actual values from your past behaviour, not from what you wish you valued.
Values clarification through lived evidence
- Decide By Your Values
Force a strict order among your finalists so conflicts resolve in advance.
Rank your top values
- How Can I Find What My Personal Values Are
Identify 3–5 core values — not what you should value, but what actually matters when life is stripped back.
Values clarification: what matters most to you?
- When Values Card Sort Forced Rank Sort
Write your top 20 candidate values on cards, then sort them ruthlessly until you have a ranked top five.
The forced-rank sort
- Define Your Values
Imagine how you’d want to be remembered to reveal the values you’d defend most.
Use the eulogy / future-self lens
- Enacted Values Vs Stated Values
Infer your actual values from your past behaviour, not from what you wish you valued.
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