Coaching practices for Why People Stay in Relationships
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Why People Stay in Relationships, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- We’ve drifted into roommates running on autopilot
- We’ve built so much together
- After this many years together we’ve gotten so comfortable that we’ve basically stopped trying anything new
- We default to whatever each of us wants in the moment, and I rarely choose their preference over mine on purpose
- We’re comfortable and we still do plenty together, but it’s the same loop every week
Practices that may help
- The Investment Model of Commitment: Why People Stay (and Why They Leave)
Caryl Rusbult’s Investment Model proposes that commitment is driven by three factors: satisfaction (how good the relationship feels), quality of alternatives (how appealing life outside the relationship seems), and investment size (what you’ve put into it that would be lost on leaving). All three are modifiable — and understanding which is weakest gives a precise target for strengthening commitment. The model has extensive empirical support across diverse relationship types and cultures. - Pro-relationship maintenance behaviors
Actively do things that maintain and strengthen the relationship, rather than expecting it to run itself.
The Investment Model of Commitment: Why People Stay (and Why They Leave) - Making your investments visible to both partners
Name and acknowledge the shared investments in the relationship — children, history, shared projects — to both parties.
The Investment Model of Commitment: Why People Stay (and Why They Leave) - Protect expansion by resisting the slide into pure comfort
Long relationships naturally slide toward comfort and predictability — expansion requires deliberate re-injection of novelty.
Self-Expansion Model: How Relationships Grow (and Stagnate) Us - Mating in Captivity: Sustaining Desire in Long-Term Relationships
Esther Perel argues that the conditions that make love secure — closeness, familiarity, predictability — are structurally at odds with the conditions that sustain erotic desire — mystery, distance, and the thrill of unpredictability. Sustaining desire is not about technique but about holding the paradox: you can be deeply known and still be a little unknown, still be an object of curiosity for each other. - Willingness to sacrifice: building relationship-oriented decision-making
Practice making at least one weekly decision that prioritizes the relationship over personal short-term convenience.
The Investment Model of Commitment: Why People Stay (and Why They Leave) - Regularly share novel and enjoyable activities
Do new things together — not only comfortable or habitual ones.
Relationship Maintenance Behaviors - Understanding and managing the lure of alternatives
Recognize when comparison to alternatives is inflating their apparent quality — and how to recalibrate.
The Investment Model of Commitment: Why People Stay (and Why They Leave) - Do novel, moderately challenging activities together
New and slightly difficult shared experiences restore the self-expansion that keeps closeness alive.
Self-Expansion Model: How Relationships Grow (and Stagnate) Us - Relationship Maintenance Behaviors
Relationship maintenance behaviors are the everyday actions partners use to sustain relationship satisfaction, commitment, and closeness over time. Laura Stafford’s research identified five evidence-linked categories — positivity, openness, assurances, social networks, and sharing tasks — with positivity and assurances showing the strongest and most consistent links to satisfaction.
Related concerns
- Sustaining Relationship Satisfaction
Actively do things that maintain and strengthen the relationship, rather than expecting it to run itself.
Pro-relationship maintenance behaviors
- Long Term Relationship Building
Actively do things that maintain and strengthen the relationship, rather than expecting it to run itself.
- Long Term Relationship Goals
Discuss what you want this relationship to stand for and what you want to leave behind.
Have the legacy conversation
- Active Relationship Investment
Name and acknowledge the shared investments in the relationship — children, history, shared projects — to both parties.
Making your investments visible to both partners
- Commitment In Relationships Psychology
Caryl Rusbult’s Investment Model proposes that commitment is driven by three factors: satisfaction (how good the relationship feels), quality of alternatives (how appealing life outside the relationship seems), and investment size (what you’ve put into it that would be lost on leaving). All three are modifiable — and understanding which is weakest gives a precise target for strengthening commitment. The model has extensive empirical support across diverse relationship types and cultures.
- How To Keep Relationship Exciting Long Term
Do new things together — not only comfortable or habitual ones.
Regularly share novel and enjoyable activities
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