Use self-respect as the outcome measure — not just whether you got what you wanted

After any difficult interaction, ask: "Do I respect myself for how I showed up?" — not just "did I win?"

Why it works

Reframing the success criterion from "I got what I wanted" to "I acted like someone I respect" changes the entire optimization target of the conversation. This shift protects against tactics that produce short-term wins but erode character over time — manipulation, dishonesty, capitulation under pressure. It also makes partial interpersonal outcomes acceptable as long as the self-respect outcome is preserved.

How to do it

1. After every significant interpersonal interaction, ask: "If a wise mentor had watched this, would they have seen me behave with integrity?"
2. Note the specific FAST components you maintained and which you dropped under pressure.
3. If you dropped one, identify what would have allowed you to hold it — and plan for next time.

Evidence

Self-respect as an outcome criterion is consistent with virtue ethics and character-based wellbeing research: people who act congruently with their values report higher long-run wellbeing than those who optimize for immediate outcomes. FAST makes this abstract principle into a practical post-conversation measure. (mechanistic)

The specific framing of FAST as a self-respect criterion is a DBT clinical formulation; the underlying character-based wellbeing evidence is correlational rather than experimentally established.

Common mistake

Treating the interaction as a success because you got what you asked for, while ignoring that you got it through manipulation or dishonesty — which is a self-respect loss that compounds across interactions.