Drive all blames into one

When conflict arises, examine how self-grasping is the root, rather than blaming the other person.

Why it works

The Lojong slogan "drive all blames into one" points to the habitual pattern of self-protection: when things go wrong, the habitual mind seeks an external cause to blame. The practice is to redirect inquiry inward — not to self-flagellate, but to notice the role of ego-grasping, self-centered expectation, or reactivity that contributed to the situation. This interrupts the blame cycle that maintains interpersonal conflict.

How to do it

1. When you find yourself blaming someone for a difficulty, pause and ask: "What role did my own expectations or reactions play here?"
2. Do not use this to excuse genuinely harmful behaviour — take clear account of what happened.
3. Look specifically for where self-grasping (needing things to go a certain way) created the friction.
4. Then — separately — address the external situation from a clearer starting point.

Evidence

Research on attribution bias shows that self-serving attributions (crediting oneself for success, blaming others for failure) are a major source of interpersonal conflict. Lojong’s instruction to examine self-grasping is a counteraction to this bias. (mechanistic)

This is a mechanistic connection between a traditional teaching and attribution research; the practice is contemplative, not a clinical protocol.

Common mistake

Using this slogan to take all blame as a form of self-punishment — the practice is about clarity, not guilt.