Regulate your tone

A calm, downward, unhurried voice slows everyone’s nervous system, including yours.

Why it works

Tone is contagious: a calm, low, slow voice cues the other person’s nervous system toward safety, while a tense or rising tone escalates threat regardless of the words. Slowing your own delivery also regulates you, keeping you in the reflective rather than reactive mode.

How to do it

1. Drop your pitch slightly and slow your pace, especially when stakes rise.
2. Use a warm, steady tone rather than a flat or clipped one.
3. Pause deliberately; silence signals control and gives both sides room to think.

Evidence

Consistent with research on emotional contagion and on prosody/vocal cues shaping perceived warmth and threat; calm vocal tone is a recognized de-escalation tool. (mechanistic)

The general findings on emotional contagion and prosody are solid; the packaged "voice" technique is practitioner framing.

Common mistake

Matching their rising heat with your own, so tone escalates the exchange even while your words try to calm it.