Coaching practices for Dear Man Negotiate

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Dear Man Negotiate, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• The second they push back I either cave completely or harden into all-or-nothing, because I walked in without ever deciding what I could actually live with
• When I ask for something I frame it entirely around how much I need it, and the other person hears only the cost to them
• There are several things on the table here, and some matter way more to me than others
• The whole thing has collapsed down to one number and we’re just staring each other down over price, so whatever I gain they lose
• We’ve just shaken hands on something we both accepted, but I have this nagging sense the deal isn’t as good as it could be for either of us

Practices that may help

1. Negotiate: know your minimum and be willing to give and take
   Decide in advance what you are willing to accept short of your full ask, and be ready to offer something in exchange.
   DEAR MAN: DBT’s Skill for Asking for What You Want Effectively
2. Reinforce by explaining the benefit to the other person
   Tell the other person what is in it for them — or what the positive outcome looks like for both of you.
   DEAR MAN: DBT’s Skill for Asking for What You Want Effectively
3. DEAR MAN: DBT’s Skill for Asking for What You Want Effectively
   DEAR MAN — Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate — is a DBT interpersonal effectiveness skill developed by Marsha Linehan. It structures requests and refusals so they are clear, non-aggressive, and effective, balancing getting what you need with preserving the relationship. The evidence base is embedded in the broader DBT clinical literature.
4. Logroll by trading issues of unequal importance
   Concede on what matters less to you in exchange for gains on what matters more.
   Expanding the Pie: Negotiation Beyond Splitting the Difference
5. Add issues to expand the pie
   Bring more variables in — timing, scope, future work — so there’s more to trade.
   Win-Win Thinking: Expanding the Pie
6. Propose a post-settlement settlement to optimize an agreed deal
   After reaching a deal, offer to see if you can both do better — many agreements leave joint value on the table.
   ZOPA: The Zone of Possible Agreement
7. Use a post-settlement settlement to improve a deal after agreement
   Once you have a deal, offer to keep exploring whether a better one exists for both sides.
   Expanding the Pie: Negotiation Beyond Splitting the Difference
8. Run a negotiation debrief to learn what value was left on the table
   After closing, compare priorities with the other side to see the trades you both missed.
   Expanding the Pie: Negotiation Beyond Splitting the Difference
9. Make multiple equivalent simultaneous offers (MESOs)
   Propose several package deals of equal value to you — see which the other side prefers.
   Expanding the Pie: Negotiation Beyond Splitting the Difference
10. Focus on interests, not positions
    Ask why a position is taken — the underlying interest is almost always more negotiable than the stated demand.
    Principled Negotiation, Made Practical

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