Coaching practices for Dreams Within Conflict

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Dreams Within Conflict, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• We have this one fight that never resolves, no matter how reasonably we try to settle it
• We keep having the same fight that never resolves, and lately I’ve started to suspect it isn’t really about the thing we argue over
• One part of me wants out, another part won’t let me, and they just war with each other on a loop
• Every time I throw myself into one thing I care about, another one I also care about just goes dim and I stop wanting it
• We solve the immediate thing but the same ugly dynamic underneath stays exactly the same, so the next disagreement plays out identically

Practices that may help

1. Learn the dream inside your partner's position
   Behind every recurring argument is a personal dream or value; find and honor it.
   Love Maps: Knowing Your Partner's Inner World
2. Explore each other’s life dreams
   Ask what your partner’s cherished goals and aspirations are — not just their plans.
   The Shared Meaning System
3. Working with Multiple Selves (Chair Work in CFT)
   Give voice to different internal parts — the critic, the anxious self, the compassionate self — to understand and change the dialogue.
   Compassion-Focused Therapy: Calming the Inner Critic
4. Surface goal conflicts before they undermine each other
   Goals that compete for the same time or emotional bandwidth will suppress each other — make the conflict explicit.
   Goal Systems Theory: How Goals Work Together (and Against Each Other)
5. Transform the relationship, not just the issue
   Use each conflict as an opportunity to raise the quality of the relationship itself.
   The Third Alternative, Made Practical
6. Separate the person from the problem
   Treat the conflict as a problem you face together, not a contest you fight each other.
   The Third Alternative, Made Practical
7. Working with shadow material in dreams
   Treat recurring dream figures or disturbing images as shadow characters and ask what they represent.
   Shadow Work
8. Use the bullseye to resolve competing values
   When two values pull in different directions, the bullseye shows you which domain is most neglected and most in need of attention.
   Values Bullseye, Made Practical
9. Use the chessboard metaphor to anchor the perspective
   You are the board on which thoughts and feelings play — not any of the pieces.
   Self-as-Context (Observing Self), Made Practical
10. Collaborating (assertive and cooperative)
    Work the underlying interests until you find a solution that genuinely meets both sides’ needs.
    The Five Conflict-Resolution Styles

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