Coaching practices for Why Am I So Mean to the People I Love

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Why Am I So Mean to the People I Love, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• I’m brutal on myself the second I slip up
• I keep saying yes to things that drain me because saying no feels selfish or mean
• I can wholeheartedly wish the people I love safety and ease, but the moment I try to send those same good wishes toward myself I hit a wall
• I can wish other people well easily but the moment I try to turn that same kindness toward myself it feels false or even selfish
• I’ll bend over backwards for everyone else, but the idea of being that gentle with myself feels selfish

Practices that may help

1. Extend the same generosity inward
   The charitable read is for your own behavior too — and refusing it for yourself fuels harshness toward others.
   Generous Interpretation
2. Fierce protection: say "no" from care, not fear
   Defend your time, body, and dignity as you would defend a beloved child — because you are equally worth defending.
   Fierce Self-Compassion, Made Practical
3. Send yourself the same loving wishes you send others
   Expand loving-kindness practice inward — toward yourself as you would toward a beloved friend.
   The Self-Compassion Break
4. Loving-kindness toward yourself
   Begin by directing the well-wishes inward — “may I be safe, happy, healthy, at ease.”
   Loving-Kindness (Metta) Meditation
5. Include acts of kindness toward yourself
   The kindness architecture that builds well-being includes self-directed kindness — not just other-directed.
   Acts of Kindness, Made Practical
6. Apply self-kindness as actively as you would to a friend
   Treat yourself with the same warmth and understanding you would offer a close friend in the same situation.
   Self-Worth vs. Self-Esteem
7. Self-kindness over self-judgment
   Respond to your own mistakes with warmth and understanding instead of harsh criticism.
   Self-Compassion, Made Practical
8. Be Fair: include yourself in the fairness you extend to others
   Apply the same standards of fairness to yourself that you would to someone you respect.
   FAST: DBT’s Skill for Maintaining Self-Respect in Relationships
9. Replace critic monologue with compassionate self-talk
   Speak to yourself the way you would speak to a close friend in the same situation.
   Working With Your Inner Critic
10. Be Gentle: no attacks, threats, or expressions of contempt
    Say what you need to say without aggression, sarcasm, or contempt — even when you are hurt or angry.
    GIVE: DBT’s Skill for Preserving Relationships During Difficult Conversations

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