Coaching practices for How Do I Give My Child a Second Hand Present

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For How Do I Give My Child a Second Hand Present, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• I praise my kid constantly
• Even when I sit down to play with my kid I catch myself steering it
• My child has gotten so used to being "the difficult one" that they act like it’s just who they are
• My instinct when I care about someone is to buy them a thing, but the stuff I’ve given just ends up in a drawer and forgotten
• I have an ask I need to make of someone, and I hate the feeling of leading with my hand out

Practices that may help

1. Sportscast what you see rather than directing
   Narrate the play without evaluation, question, or instruction.
   Special Time (Lawrence Cohen — Playful Parenting)
2. Follow the child’s lead completely during special time
   Let the child decide what you do, how long you stay, and when you move on.
   Special Time (Lawrence Cohen — Playful Parenting)
3. Use experiential recognition to highlight strengths in the moment
   Catch the child demonstrating a virtue and name the virtue directly.
   The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)
4. Give experiences, not objects
   Treat someone to a shared experience rather than buying them a thing.
   Prosocial Spending: Why Giving Boosts Happiness
5. Give genuine value before you make a request
   Lead with something useful — help, insight, attention — before any ask.
   The Rule of Reciprocity, Made Practical
6. Use Plan B: the three-step collaborative conversation
   Empathize with the child’s concern, share yours, and invite them to solve it together.
   Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
7. Engage the upstairs brain through curiosity and play
   Ask questions that require the child to think, imagine, or consider another perspective.
   The Whole-Brain Child (Siegel & Bryson)
8. Recognize what is not happening with proactive recognition
   Catch the child not misbehaving and name the success explicitly.
   The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)
9. Recognize when reciprocity is being used against you
   The same norm that builds goodwill can be triggered by uninvited gifts designed to create obligation.
   The Rule of Reciprocity, Made Practical
10. Allow natural consequences to do the teaching
    Step back and let the world respond — your child learns more from being cold than from being lectured about coats.
    Natural and Logical Consequences (Rudolf Dreikurs)

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