Coaching practices for How Do I Resolve a Child's Anxiety for War

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • Something scared my child
  • The storm has finally passed and my kid is calm again, and I keep wanting to either just move on or fix the situation for them
  • Every conversation with my kid about their behavior turns into me laying down the law and them digging in, and I want a way to actually talk it through together
  • My kid is sobbing about something that seems so small, and every instinct in me wants to explain why it’s not a big deal
  • When my kid is melting down I feel trapped between two bad options

Practices that may help

  1. Name it to tame it: tell the story of the big feeling
    Help the child narrate what happened and how it felt — storytelling is brain integration.
    The Whole-Brain Child (Siegel & Bryson)
  2. Problem-solve together once the child is calm
    After the emotional storm passes, invite the child to find a solution with you.
    Emotion Coaching (John Gottman)
  3. Use Plan B: the three-step collaborative conversation
    Empathize with the child’s concern, share yours, and invite them to solve it together.
    Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
  4. Listen empathically and validate the feeling
    Reflect the emotion you see accurately before you do anything else.
    Emotion Coaching (John Gottman)
  5. Use empathy to de-escalate, not to capitulate
    Name the child’s emotional state without agreeing with every demand — empathy and limits can coexist.
    Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
  6. Hold Plan B conversations proactively, not reactively
    Solve the problem before the next explosion, when everyone is calm.
    Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
  7. Productive Problem-Solving vs. Worry
    Distinguish solvable worries — which need a plan — from hypothetical ones — which need acceptance or defusion.
    Worry Time: Containing Anxiety With Scheduled Worry
  8. Fade reassurance-seeking
    Gradually reduce how often you seek reassurance from others that the feared thing won't happen.
    Safety Behavior Fading, Made Practical
  9. Run toward the feeling
    Actively invite more of the anxiety rather than waiting nervously for it to pass.
    The DARE Response to Anxiety, Made Practical
  10. Reframe from "preventing catastrophe" to "coping with discomfort"
    Shift the goal of entering feared situations from preventing disaster to practicing tolerance.
    Safety Behavior Fading, Made Practical

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