Coaching practices for How to Control Emotions

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • When a big feeling crashes over me it’s like I become it
  • When I’m upset I’m completely fused with the story
  • I’ll snap at someone or make a bad call and only realize hours later that I was already in a mood the whole time
  • Something sets me off and I’m already reacting before I’ve even thought
  • I try to keep the emotion out and stay reasonable, but it never actually stays out

Practices that may help

  1. Mindfulness of the current emotion
    Observe the emotion as a wave passing through — without judging it, feeding it, or running from it.
    DBT Emotion Regulation Skills, Made Practical
  2. O — Observe: Notice What Is Actually Happening
    After the stop, observe the situation, your emotions, and your urges — without judgment and without acting on them.
    The STOP Skill: A DBT Technique for Crisis Moments
  3. Self-awareness
    Notice your emotions as they arise and recognize how they shape your judgment and behavior.
    Emotional Intelligence, Made Practical
  4. Self-regulation
    Manage disruptive impulses and moods so you respond by choice rather than reflex.
    Emotional Intelligence, Made Practical
  5. Bring feelings into the conversation deliberately
    Name the emotions instead of leaking them — unspoken feelings don’t leave, they distort.
    Difficult Conversations, Made Practical
  6. Observe the emotion without feeding it
    When a strong emotion hits, watch it without adding the story that keeps it going.
    The 90-Second Rule, Made Practical
  7. Check the facts and opposite action
    Test whether an emotion fits the facts; if it doesn’t, act opposite to its urge to change it.
    Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Skills, Made Practical
  8. P — Proceed Mindfully: Act from Wisdom, Not Impulse
    After observing, ask: "What action is consistent with my goals and values right now?" — then act on that.
    The STOP Skill: A DBT Technique for Crisis Moments
  9. Understand the function of the emotion
    Every emotion evolved because it does something useful — learn what yours is trying to do.
    DBT Emotion Regulation Skills, Made Practical
  10. Name what the emotion is doing in your body
    Track the physical signs of the emotion as they move through — this alone reduces their intensity.
    The 90-Second Rule, Made Practical

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