Coaching practices for How to Do Better in a Relationship

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For How to Do Better in a Relationship, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• We’ve drifted into roommates running on autopilot
• Lately it feels like the bad outweighs the good between us by a mile
• We default to whatever each of us wants in the moment, and I rarely choose their preference over mine on purpose
• There’s a conversation coming up where the whole relationship feels like it’s on the line, and I tend to fall apart exactly when it matters most
• When I ask myself if I’m happy in this relationship, all I can summon are the irritations and the fights

Practices that may help

1. Pro-relationship maintenance behaviors
   Actively do things that maintain and strengthen the relationship, rather than expecting it to run itself.
   The Investment Model of Commitment: Why People Stay (and Why They Leave)
2. Keep the positivity ratio high
   Aim for far more positive than negative interactions, especially during conflict.
   The Gottman Method, Made Practical
3. Willingness to sacrifice: building relationship-oriented decision-making
   Practice making at least one weekly decision that prioritizes the relationship over personal short-term convenience.
   The Investment Model of Commitment: Why People Stay (and Why They Leave)
4. Use GIVE as a full sequence in high-stakes conversations
   Run all four GIVE components together — gentleness, interest, validation, and ease — for conversations where the relationship is on the line.
   GIVE: DBT’s Skill for Preserving Relationships During Difficult Conversations
5. Satisfaction audit: tracking what is actually good
   Regularly inventory what genuinely works in the relationship — not as gratitude practice, but as an honest baseline.
   The Investment Model of Commitment: Why People Stay (and Why They Leave)
6. Make bids for shared enjoyment, not just support
   Invite your partner to enjoy something together — playfulness and delight are also bids.
   Turning Toward: The Daily Practice That Builds Relationship Resilience
7. Make capitalization a habit
   Treat your partner’s good news as a recurring opportunity to build the relationship.
   Active-Constructive Responding, Made Practical
8. Turn toward bids for connection
   Respond to small, everyday bids for attention as if they matter — because they do.
   The 5-to-1 Positivity Ratio in Relationships
9. Balance FAST with DEAR MAN when the relationship and the goal are both at stake
   Use DEAR MAN for what you want, GIVE for the relationship, and FAST for yourself — and know which to weight when they conflict.
   FAST: DBT’s Skill for Maintaining Self-Respect in Relationships
10. Build rituals of connection and shared meaning
    Create repeatable rituals that signal the relationship is a priority.
    The 5-to-1 Positivity Ratio in Relationships

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