Coaching practices for How to Give Feedback to Stubborn Colleague
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For How to Give Feedback to Stubborn Colleague, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- I deliver my feedback as a finished verdict and then the other person just sits there closed off
- When I give someone feedback it slides into labeling who they are
- Every time I raise an issue with someone they get defensive and we end up arguing about whether they’re a good person instead of fixing the actual problem
- I want to raise something with someone but it keeps coming out as "you always do this," and they immediately get defensive and start hunting for exceptions
- I tell someone what went wrong but never say what I actually want instead, so they walk away knowing they messed up with no idea what "right" looks like
Practices that may help
- Invite a response after delivering SBI
Close SBI by asking what the other person makes of it — not with a verdict.
The SBI Feedback Model, Made Practical - Describe behavior, not character
Say what the person did — actions, words — not what that says about who they are.
The SBI Feedback Model, Made Practical - Make feedback specific and behavioral, not evaluative
Describe what you observed, not what it says about the person.
The Feedback Sandwich: Why It Doesn’t Work and What to Do Instead - Anchor feedback to a specific situation
Name the exact time and place before you say anything else.
The SBI Feedback Model, Made Practical - Add a forward-looking request to SBI
Pair the impact statement with a specific, doable request for next time.
The SBI Feedback Model, Made Practical - Apply reciprocity in feedback conversations
Offer a genuine concession or acknowledgment of your own role before asking someone to change.
The Rule of Reciprocity, Made Practical - Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain
Criticism puts people on the defensive and rarely produces lasting change.
How to Win Friends and Influence People, Made Practical - Give feedback in the moment, not stockpiled for reviews
Feedback accumulated for a periodic review arrives late and in bulk — neither helps.
The Feedback Sandwich: Why It Doesn’t Work and What to Do Instead - Give and receive feedback with courage
Sit on the same side of the table: feedback as a shared problem, not an attack.
Daring Greatly, Made Practical - Establish shared purpose before delivering critique
Frame critique as help toward a shared goal, not an evaluation from above.
The Feedback Sandwich: Why It Doesn’t Work and What to Do Instead
Related concerns
- Impact Statement Feedback
Say what effect the behavior had — on you, on others, on the work.
Name the actual impact on you or the team
- When The Feedback Sandwich Critique Establish Shared Purpose First
Frame critique as help toward a shared goal, not an evaluation from above.
Establish shared purpose before delivering critique
- When The Sbi Feedback Model Describe Behavior Not Character
Say what the person did — actions, words — not what that says about who they are.
Describe behavior, not character
- Behavior Not Character Feedback
Say what the person did — actions, words — not what that says about who they are.
- Elicit Before Providing Feedback
Ask the person to evaluate their own performance before giving yours.
Ask what the person already knows before offering your assessment
- Feedback Sandwich Problems
The feedback sandwich (positive–negative–positive) is the dominant model for giving feedback in workplaces, but research and practitioner experience suggest it routinely fails: recipients either remember only the positive parts or dismiss the negative as softened insincerity. The practices below cover why it fails mechanistically and what specific alternatives are better supported.
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