Coaching practices for How to Stop Blaming Others

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For How to Stop Blaming Others, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• Every time this conflict flares my mind races to how they’re at fault, and I keep noticing I never once turn the question around to my own expectations and reactions
• When I’m upset it all comes out as "you did this, you always do that"
• The whole thing has become a tug-of-war over whose fault it is
• I extend everyone else this generosity, but when I mess up I go straight to "I’m lazy, I’m a failure, this is just who I am"
• I keep waiting for them to change so I can finally feel okay, and it never comes

Practices that may help

1. Drive all blames into one
   When conflict arises, examine how self-grasping is the root, rather than blaming the other person.
   Lojong: Tibetan Mind Training
2. Correct blaming by adding accountability for self
   When blaming, add an honest account of your own contribution to the problem.
   The Satir Model
3. Move from blame to contribution
   Ask how each side contributed to the situation instead of who is at fault.
   Difficult Conversations, Made Practical
4. Apply the razor to yourself
   Extend to your own past actions the same charitable interpretation you give others.
   Hanlon's Razor: Never Attribute to Malice What Stupidity Can Explain
5. Radical responsibility (cleaning)
   Treat every disturbance in your experience as something you can "clean" from your own perception.
   Ho'oponopono: Hawaiian Forgiveness and Reconciliation
6. Self-forgiveness through the practice
   Direct the forgiveness phrases inward to release guilt or shame you carry about your own past actions.
   Ho'oponopono: Hawaiian Forgiveness and Reconciliation
7. The practice of self-responsibility
   Own that you are the author of your choices, actions, and the fulfillment of your wants.
   The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
8. Personalization and self-blame
   Take excessive personal responsibility for negative events that were partly or wholly outside your control.
   Cognitive Distortions: The Thinking Errors Behind Anxiety and Depression
9. Practice owning your contribution in group settings
   In team debrief or credit-distribution conversations, name your specific contribution before someone else summarizes it away.
   Impostor Phenomenon, Made Practical
10. Take extreme ownership
    When the team fails, the leader looks first at what the leader did or failed to do.
    Extreme Ownership, Made Practical

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