Coaching practices for How to Stop Caring What People Think

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For How to Stop Caring What People Think, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• I’m worn out from constantly managing how I come across, replaying what people might think of me
• One offhand remark or someone’s disapproval can hijack my whole mood for days, because somewhere I’ve made my sense of being okay depend on whether other people approve of me
• In any conversation I’m so busy watching myself
• I shrink my life down to avoid any chance of looking foolish
• When someone does one thoughtless thing I write them off entirely

Practices that may help

1. Release the need for approval
   Let people have their opinions of you — their judgment is theirs to hold, not yours to fix.
   The Let Them Theory, Made Practical
2. Let go of others’ opinions of you
   Another’s contempt is their judgment, not your business; only your own conduct is yours to mind.
   The Enchiridion, as a Handbook
3. The Spotlight Effect: Why You Think Everyone Is Watching
   The spotlight effect is the well-documented tendency to overestimate how much other people notice our appearance, mistakes, and actions — because we are the center of our own attention, we assume we are the center of theirs. Reducing this bias requires deliberately updating the estimate of how distracted, self-occupied, and inattentive others actually are.
4. Shift attention outward during social situations
   Direct your focus to what the other person is saying and feeling, not to how you appear.
   The Spotlight Effect: Why You Think Everyone Is Watching
5. Shame-attacking exercises
   Do something mildly embarrassing on purpose to prove you can survive and function through discomfort.
   Unconditional Self-Acceptance
6. Extend unconditional acceptance to others
   Apply the same anti-rating logic to other people — separating what they did from what they are.
   Unconditional Self-Acceptance
7. Cultivate authenticity
   Let go of who you think you’re supposed to be and show up as who you actually are.
   The Gifts of Imperfection, Made Practical
8. Practice tolerating disapproval
   Deliberately make a small choice you believe in that you know someone won’t like — and stay with the discomfort.
   Self-Authorship: Moving From the Socialized to the Self-Authored Mind
9. Write the observer’s account of the event
   Write a third-person account of what an average observer actually saw — not what you felt.
   The Spotlight Effect: Why You Think Everyone Is Watching
10. Actively update your estimate of how much others notice
    When you assume everyone saw your blunder, consciously cut the estimate in half.
    The Spotlight Effect: Why You Think Everyone Is Watching

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