Coaching practices for How to Use Feedback

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • I deliver my feedback as a finished verdict and then the other person just sits there closed off
  • Whenever I ask how I’m doing, the answer comes back as a verdict on what I already screwed up, and I spend the whole conversation defending myself instead of actually learning anything I could use next time.
  • The instant someone gives me hard feedback I’m already explaining and defending myself
  • My feedback conversations end with the person nodding and saying "yeah, makes sense, got it"
  • I blurt out corrections in the heat of the moment, often right in front of other people, and instead of taking it in they just get humiliated and dig in

Practices that may help

  1. Invite a response after delivering SBI
    Close SBI by asking what the other person makes of it — not with a verdict.
    The SBI Feedback Model, Made Practical
  2. Feedforward: Future-Focused Feedback That Actually Changes Behavior
    Feedforward, developed by executive coach Marshall Goldsmith, replaces backward-looking critique with forward-looking suggestions — asking "what ideas do you have for the future?" rather than "what did I do wrong?" The core claim is that people are more receptive to ideas about what they could do than to judgments about what they did. Evidence is primarily clinical and practitioner-based rather than from controlled trials.
  3. Ask for ideas about the future, not assessments of the past
    Replace "how did I do?" with "what ideas do you have for how I could do better?"
    Feedforward: Future-Focused Feedback That Actually Changes Behavior
  4. The Feedback Sandwich: Why It Doesn’t Work and What to Do Instead
    The feedback sandwich (positive–negative–positive) is the dominant model for giving feedback in workplaces, but research and practitioner experience suggest it routinely fails: recipients either remember only the positive parts or dismiss the negative as softened insincerity. The practices below cover why it fails mechanistically and what specific alternatives are better supported.
  5. Feedback Loops and Behavior Change
    Feedback loops are the mechanism by which information about the gap between current and desired performance reaches the actor and drives adjustment. Cybernetics established the theoretical foundation; decades of applied research confirm that self-monitoring and feedback are among the most robust behavior-change techniques — particularly for health behaviors. The key design questions are feedback frequency, the right metric, and the gap between signal and response.
  6. The SBI Feedback Model, Made Practical
    The SBI model (Situation–Behavior–Impact), developed by the Center for Creative Leadership, structures feedback by anchoring it to an observable moment, describing the behavior seen rather than inferring motive, and naming the actual impact. This reduces defensiveness and attribution errors; the model is established clinical practice in leadership development, though direct RCT comparisons to other feedback approaches are limited.
  7. Receive feedback with minimal defensiveness
    Treat feedback as data about others’ experience — not as a verdict on your character.
    The Johari Window
  8. Close feedback by checking understanding, not agreement
    Ask "What did you take from that?" rather than "Do you agree?"
    The Feedback Sandwich: Why It Doesn’t Work and What to Do Instead
  9. Choose the right moment and setting for feedback
    Feedback lands in proportion to how safe and ready the receiver feels — timing and privacy matter.
    The SBI Feedback Model, Made Practical
  10. Add a forward-looking request to SBI
    Pair the impact statement with a specific, doable request for next time.
    The SBI Feedback Model, Made Practical

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