Coaching practices for Lojong Blame Slogan

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Lojong Blame Slogan, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• Every time this conflict flares my mind races to how they’re at fault, and I keep noticing I never once turn the question around to my own expectations and reactions
• The whole thing has become a tug-of-war over whose fault it is
• I extend everyone else this generosity, but when I mess up I go straight to "I’m lazy, I’m a failure, this is just who I am"
• When something goes wrong my first move is to find whose fault it was, and being right about that leaves me stuck
• I’m kind and openhearted with the people I already love and quietly closed off to the ones who get under my skin, and I’m realizing that warmth that only flows toward easy people isn’t really the practice

Practices that may help

1. Drive all blames into one
   When conflict arises, examine how self-grasping is the root, rather than blaming the other person.
   Lojong: Tibetan Mind Training
2. Lojong: Tibetan Mind Training
   Lojong is a Tibetan Buddhist mind-training system, codified by Atisha and later Chekawa, built around 59 slogans that train the mind to transform adversity into awakening and to cultivate compassion for all beings including oneself. Evidence is primarily contemplative-clinical; some practices (loving-kindness, tonglen-adjacent exercises) have been studied, but the full system is practitioner tradition rather than a clinical protocol.
3. Move from blame to contribution
   Ask how each side contributed to the situation instead of who is at fault.
   Difficult Conversations, Made Practical
4. Apply the razor to yourself
   Extend to your own past actions the same charitable interpretation you give others.
   Hanlon's Razor: Never Attribute to Malice What Stupidity Can Explain
5. Take extreme ownership of outcomes — even ones that aren’t your fault
   Claiming ownership of everything in your domain — even external failures — is the fastest path to fixing them.
   Discipline Equals Freedom: Jocko Willink's Framework
6. Always abide by the three principles
   Maintain your vow, don’t show off, and practise impartially with everyone — not just the people you like.
   Lojong: Tibetan Mind Training
7. Don’t make gods into demons
   Don’t let spiritual practice become a source of pride, judgment, or superiority over others.
   Lojong: Tibetan Mind Training
8. Take responsibility without the “but”
   Own your part fully; the word “but” deletes everything before it.
   The Art of Apology
9. Look for contribution, not blame
   Almost every conflict has contributions from both sides — finding yours changes the conversation.
   Looping for Understanding (Difficult Conversations)
10. Tonglen: sending and taking
    Breathe in suffering (yours and others’); breathe out relief and well-being.
    Lojong: Tibetan Mind Training

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