Coaching practices for Problem Reframing Solving the Right Problem First as a Parent

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Problem Reframing Solving the Right Problem First as a Parent, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • Every conversation with my kid about their behavior turns into me laying down the law and them digging in, and I want a way to actually talk it through together
  • I keep fixing the thing right in front of me and the same trouble just keeps coming back in a new shape, which makes me think I’ve only been swatting at the surface
  • I’ve been killing myself trying to fix this, and it’s slowly dawning on me that the lever isn’t even in my hands
  • My first reaction when something goes wrong is "why did you DO that?"
  • I keep trying to reason with my kid right in the middle of the meltdown

Practices that may help

  1. Problem Reframing: Solving the Right Problem First
    Problem reframing means deliberately reconsidering what problem you are actually trying to solve before generating solutions. Min Basadur’s work on creative problem-solving shows that the framing you start with strongly constrains the solutions you find — changing the framing often unlocks solutions that were invisible under the original definition.
  2. Use Plan B: the three-step collaborative conversation
    Empathize with the child’s concern, share yours, and invite them to solve it together.
    Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
  3. Climb the why–why ladder
    Ask "why is this a problem?" repeatedly to reveal the higher-level goal your current framing may be missing.
    Problem Reframing: Solving the Right Problem First
  4. Map who actually owns the problem
    Identify whose problem it truly is before investing in a solution — the framing often changes when you name the real owner.
    Problem Reframing: Solving the Right Problem First
  5. Focus on solutions, not blame
    Ask "What can we do to fix this?" rather than "Why did you do that?" — one opens, the other closes.
    Positive Discipline (Jane Nelsen)
  6. Hold Plan B conversations proactively, not reactively
    Solve the problem before the next explosion, when everyone is calm.
    Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
  7. Evaluate solutions for durability: realistic, mutually satisfying, safe
    A collaborative solution that fails one of three tests — realistic, mutually satisfying, safe — will not hold.
    Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
  8. Problem-solve together once the child is calm
    After the emotional storm passes, invite the child to find a solution with you.
    Emotion Coaching (John Gottman)
  9. Define — frame the right problem
    Synthesize your research into a single, sharp problem statement before solving.
    Design Thinking, Step by Step
  10. Reverse the problem to break fixation
    Ask the opposite question ("How could we make this worse?") to escape the constraints of the original framing.
    Problem Reframing: Solving the Right Problem First

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