Coaching practices for Raising a Bully Proof Child

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Raising a Bully Proof Child, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• Every conversation with my kid about their behavior turns into me laying down the law and them digging in, and I want a way to actually talk it through together
• My kid and I agree on a fix and it sounds great in the moment, but a few days later it’s fallen apart again
• My kid has started hiding mistakes and bracing like they’re in trouble before I’ve even said anything, and I think it’s because my first reaction to a spill or a broken thing is always the accusation
• Every time I put my foot down and insist, my kid blows up worse
• I keep trying to reason with my kid right in the middle of the meltdown

Practices that may help

1. Use Plan B: the three-step collaborative conversation
   Empathize with the child’s concern, share yours, and invite them to solve it together.
   Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
2. Evaluate solutions for durability: realistic, mutually satisfying, safe
   A collaborative solution that fails one of three tests — realistic, mutually satisfying, safe — will not hold.
   Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
3. Cultivate a "yes brain": curiosity, courage, and resilience over reactivity
   Respond to the child’s world with curiosity and openness rather than threat and control.
   The Whole-Brain Child (Siegel & Bryson)
4. Recognize when Plan A (unilateral imposition) makes things worse
   Adult-imposed solutions can win the battle and lose the war — notice when enforcement is escalating rather than solving.
   Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
5. Hold Plan B conversations proactively, not reactively
   Solve the problem before the next explosion, when everyone is calm.
   Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
6. Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
   Ross Greene’s Collaborative Problem Solving model holds that kids with explosive behavior lack the cognitive skills to handle frustration and inflexibility — not the motivation. The approach replaces punitive consequences with structured adult–child conversations that build lagging skills over time. Randomized trials in clinical settings show significant reductions in explosive behavior, though most real-world evidence is clinical and observational.
7. Use empathy to de-escalate, not to capitulate
   Name the child’s emotional state without agreeing with every demand — empathy and limits can coexist.
   Collaborative Problem Solving (Ross Greene)
8. Recognize what is not happening with proactive recognition
   Catch the child not misbehaving and name the success explicitly.
   The Nurtured Heart Approach (Howard Glasser)
9. Take time for training — teach the skill, not just the rule
   Children misbehave partly because they don’t know how to do the right thing — teach the skill when everyone is calm.
   Positive Discipline (Jane Nelsen)
10. Engage the upstairs brain through curiosity and play
    Ask questions that require the child to think, imagine, or consider another perspective.
    The Whole-Brain Child (Siegel & Bryson)

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