Coaching practices for Relationship Values Exercise
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Relationship Values Exercise, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- We default to whatever each of us wants in the moment, and I rarely choose their preference over mine on purpose
- My partner and I keep clashing over things we both supposedly want, and I’ve been assuming we’re aligned underneath
- We pass each other like roommates these days, connection only happening if it randomly happens, and there’s no reliable little moment that’s just ours
- We’ve drifted into roommates running on autopilot
- I assumed we wanted the same things, but lately our differences keep surfacing and I can’t tell which ones are real gaps in what we value and which are just us never having checked whether we’re actually aligned.
Practices that may help
- Willingness to sacrifice: building relationship-oriented decision-making
Practice making at least one weekly decision that prioritizes the relationship over personal short-term convenience.
The Investment Model of Commitment: Why People Stay (and Why They Leave) - Mapping shared and divergent values in a relationship
Do the card sort alongside someone important to you and compare — do not assume your rankings match.
Values Card Sort - Build rituals of connection and shared meaning
Create repeatable rituals that signal the relationship is a priority.
The 5-to-1 Positivity Ratio in Relationships - Pro-relationship maintenance behaviors
Actively do things that maintain and strengthen the relationship, rather than expecting it to run itself.
The Investment Model of Commitment: Why People Stay (and Why They Leave) - Align on core values — where they are shared and where they differ
Map which values you genuinely share and which you each hold separately — without requiring convergence.
The Shared Meaning System - Regularly share novel and enjoyable activities
Do new things together — not only comfortable or habitual ones.
Relationship Maintenance Behaviors - Relationship Maintenance Behaviors
Relationship maintenance behaviors are the everyday actions partners use to sustain relationship satisfaction, commitment, and closeness over time. Laura Stafford’s research identified five evidence-linked categories — positivity, openness, assurances, social networks, and sharing tasks — with positivity and assurances showing the strongest and most consistent links to satisfaction. - Stick to Values: act consistently with what actually matters to you
Before compromising a position, check whether the compromise conflicts with a core value — and hold if it does.
FAST: DBT’s Skill for Maintaining Self-Respect in Relationships - The forced-rank sort
Write your top 20 candidate values on cards, then sort them ruthlessly until you have a ranked top five.
Values Card Sort - The values–behavior gap check
Audit the last week: which of your top values did your actual decisions honor?
Values Card Sort
Related concerns
- Conflicting Values
Force a strict order among your finalists so conflicts resolve in advance.
Rank your top values
- Long Term Relationship Goals
Discuss what you want this relationship to stand for and what you want to leave behind.
Have the legacy conversation
- Relationship Maintenance Behaviors On A Budget
Relationship maintenance behaviors are the everyday actions partners use to sustain relationship satisfaction, commitment, and closeness over time. Laura Stafford’s research identified five evidence-linked categories — positivity, openness, assurances, social networks, and sharing tasks — with positivity and assurances showing the strongest and most consistent links to satisfaction.
- Relationship Maintenance Behaviors When Starting Out
Relationship maintenance behaviors are the everyday actions partners use to sustain relationship satisfaction, commitment, and closeness over time. Laura Stafford’s research identified five evidence-linked categories — positivity, openness, assurances, social networks, and sharing tasks — with positivity and assurances showing the strongest and most consistent links to satisfaction.
- Shared Values Relationship
Map which values you genuinely share and which you each hold separately — without requiring convergence.
Align on core values — where they are shared and where they differ
- Couples Values Exercise
Map which values you genuinely share and which you each hold separately — without requiring convergence.
Describe your situation in your own words to search the complete practice library.