Coaching practices for Shared Values Relationship

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Shared Values Relationship, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• I assumed we wanted the same things, but lately our differences keep surfacing and I can’t tell which ones are real gaps in what we value and which are just us never having checked whether we’re actually aligned.
• We pass each other like roommates these days, connection only happening if it randomly happens, and there’s no reliable little moment that’s just ours
• My partner and I keep clashing over things we both supposedly want, and I’ve been assuming we’re aligned underneath
• We’ve got nice-sounding values up on the wall and the website, but they do nothing in the room when a real hiring or judgment call is on the table
• My partner sided with their family over me again, or didn’t back me up in front of others, and I’m left unsure whether they’ll actually put us first when it counts

Practices that may help

1. Align on core values — where they are shared and where they differ
   Map which values you genuinely share and which you each hold separately — without requiring convergence.
   The Shared Meaning System
2. Build rituals of connection and shared meaning
   Create repeatable rituals that signal the relationship is a priority.
   The 5-to-1 Positivity Ratio in Relationships
3. Mapping shared and divergent values in a relationship
   Do the card sort alongside someone important to you and compare — do not assume your rankings match.
   Values Card Sort
4. Make core values operational, not decorative
   Use core values in hiring, recognition, and decision-making — not just on the website.
   The Rockefeller Habits: Scaling Up with Rhythm and Focus
5. Create and protect the couple bubble
   Agree that you each put the relationship above any third party, including family of origin.
   Secure-Functioning Relationships
6. Rank your top values
   Force a strict order among your finalists so conflicts resolve in advance.
   Values Clarification, Made Practical
7. The forced-rank sort
   Write your top 20 candidate values on cards, then sort them ruthlessly until you have a ranked top five.
   Values Card Sort
8. Stick to Values: act consistently with what actually matters to you
   Before compromising a position, check whether the compromise conflicts with a core value — and hold if it does.
   FAST: DBT’s Skill for Maintaining Self-Respect in Relationships
9. Invest in shared social networks
   Spend time with people who affirm and are connected to both of you as a couple.
   Relationship Maintenance Behaviors
10. Practise including the other person in your self-concept
    Close relationships develop when you genuinely incorporate the other’s perspectives and resources into how you think — not just spend time with them.
    Self-Expansion Model: How Relationships Grow (and Stagnate) Us

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