Coaching practices for Do We Share the Same Values

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Do We Share the Same Values, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• I assumed we wanted the same things, but lately our differences keep surfacing and I can’t tell which ones are real gaps in what we value and which are just us never having checked whether we’re actually aligned.
• We’ve got nice-sounding values up on the wall and the website, but they do nothing in the room when a real hiring or judgment call is on the table
• My partner and I keep clashing over things we both supposedly want, and I’ve been assuming we’re aligned underneath
• This disagreement has hardened into us-versus-them, like we want completely opposite things
• We pass each other the day’s logistics and a goodnight, but there’s no moment that’s just ours anymore

Practices that may help

1. Align on core values — where they are shared and where they differ
   Map which values you genuinely share and which you each hold separately — without requiring convergence.
   The Shared Meaning System
2. Make core values operational, not decorative
   Use core values in hiring, recognition, and decision-making — not just on the website.
   The Rockefeller Habits: Scaling Up with Rhythm and Focus
3. Mapping shared and divergent values in a relationship
   Do the card sort alongside someone important to you and compare — do not assume your rankings match.
   Values Card Sort
4. Map shared values before mapping the disagreement
   In any conflict, identify the values or goals you and the other person genuinely share before cataloguing differences.
   Naive Realism: Why Everyone Thinks They See Things as They Are
5. Create and protect rituals of connection
   Build small, consistent ceremonies that mark transitions and signal "we matter."
   The Shared Meaning System
6. Rank your top values
   Force a strict order among your finalists so conflicts resolve in advance.
   Values Clarification, Made Practical
7. Have the legacy conversation
   Discuss what you want this relationship to stand for and what you want to leave behind.
   The Shared Meaning System
8. Using values questions to deepen a conversation
   Ask "what matters most to you about this?" to surface values rather than surface preferences.
   Values Card Sort
9. Model the values you expect (idealized influence)
   Become a living example of the values you want your team to hold.
   Transformational Leadership, Made Practical
10. The forced-rank sort
    Write your top 20 candidate values on cards, then sort them ruthlessly until you have a ranked top five.
    Values Card Sort

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