Coaching practices for State of the Union Relationship
Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For State of the Union Relationship, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.
Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?
- My partner and I both have some quiet inner read on how close we actually feel lately, but neither of us ever says the number out loud
- The way we talk about us has quietly soured
- My partner sided with their family over me again, or didn’t back me up in front of others, and I’m left unsure whether they’ll actually put us first when it counts
- Nothing’s wrong between us, but it feels a little flat, and I notice I only really put effort in when there’s a problem
- We’ve drifted into roommates running on autopilot
Practices that may help
- Ask "How are we doing?" as a genuine question
Invite both partners to rate and describe the overall relationship state this week.
The Relationship Check-In: A Structured Practice for Staying Connected - Build and retell the "us" narrative
Actively shape the story your relationship tells about itself.
The Shared Meaning System - Create and protect the couple bubble
Agree that you each put the relationship above any third party, including family of origin.
Secure-Functioning Relationships - Make capitalization a habit
Treat your partner’s good news as a recurring opportunity to build the relationship.
Active-Constructive Responding, Made Practical - Pro-relationship maintenance behaviors
Actively do things that maintain and strengthen the relationship, rather than expecting it to run itself.
The Investment Model of Commitment: Why People Stay (and Why They Leave) - Give regular assurances of commitment
Explicitly remind your partner of your love, commitment, and investment in the relationship.
Relationship Maintenance Behaviors - Practice openness through regular self-disclosure
Share your thoughts, feelings, and daily experiences — not just problems.
Relationship Maintenance Behaviors - End every check-in with a connecting moment
Close the conversation with something that anchors you in the relationship, not the problems.
The Relationship Check-In: A Structured Practice for Staying Connected - Build rituals of connection and shared meaning
Create repeatable rituals that signal the relationship is a priority.
The 5-to-1 Positivity Ratio in Relationships - Invest in shared social networks
Spend time with people who affirm and are connected to both of you as a couple.
Relationship Maintenance Behaviors
Related concerns
- I Statement Couples
I-statements — communicating from your own experience ("I feel…") rather than making claims about the other person ("you always…") — are among the most widely taught assertiveness skills. The theoretical rationale is solid: describing your own internal state is less likely to trigger defensiveness than evaluating the other person’s behavior. Clinical practice supports them; RCT evidence for I-statements specifically is limited, and poorly executed I-statements (disguised accusations) often backfire.
- Awe And Well Being With My Partner
Invite both partners to rate and describe the overall relationship state this week.
Ask "How are we doing?" as a genuine question
- How To Protect Your Relationship
Agree that you each put the relationship above any third party, including family of origin.
Create and protect the couple bubble
- Relationship Assurances
Explicitly remind your partner of your love, commitment, and investment in the relationship.
Give regular assurances of commitment
- Relationship Maintenance
Relationship maintenance behaviors are the everyday actions partners use to sustain relationship satisfaction, commitment, and closeness over time. Laura Stafford’s research identified five evidence-linked categories — positivity, openness, assurances, social networks, and sharing tasks — with positivity and assurances showing the strongest and most consistent links to satisfaction.
- Relationship Maintenance Openness
Share your thoughts, feelings, and daily experiences — not just problems.
Practice openness through regular self-disclosure
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