Coaching practices for The Six Pillars of Self Esteem After a Loss

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Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

  • I just bombed at something and I’m stuck swinging between making excuses for it and beating myself up over it
  • I keep waiting for someone else to fix my situation or change so things get better
  • My sense of being okay seems to hang entirely on the next win or other people’s approval, so any slight or setback knocks the floor out from under me
  • Since they died, the whole ground I stood on is gone
  • My days are just whatever circumstances throw at me

Practices that may help

  1. The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
    Nathaniel Branden defines self-esteem as the experience of being competent to meet life’s challenges and worthy of happiness, and argues it is built through six daily practices: living consciously, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, living purposefully, and personal integrity. Branden’s framework is clinically derived practitioner theory rather than trial-tested protocol, though each pillar overlaps with constructs that have their own research.
  2. Affirm a different value after a failure
    When you fail in one area, actively invest in a domain where you know you contribute.
    Self-Affirmation Theory, Made Practical
  3. The practice of self-responsibility
    Own that you are the author of your choices, actions, and the fulfillment of your wants.
    The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
  4. Build authentic rather than defensive self-esteem
    Distinguish self-worth grounded in genuine values from self-worth propped up by external validation.
    Terror Management Theory, Made Practical
  5. Map the assumptive world the loss disrupted
    Identify which of your core beliefs about life, self, and the future the loss has challenged.
    Meaning Reconstruction in Grief, Made Practical
  6. The practice of living purposefully
    Set goals, pursue them deliberately, and monitor whether your actions match your intentions.
    The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
  7. Validate your own grief without waiting for external permission
    Give yourself the recognition that society has withheld — your loss is real because it matters to you.
    Disenfranchised Grief, Made Practical
  8. The practice of self-acceptance
    Be for yourself — refuse to be your own adversary, even about the parts you want to change.
    The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical
  9. Reconstruct your identity post-loss
    Actively develop the new self that emerges when a core relationship or role is gone.
    Meaning Reconstruction in Grief, Made Practical
  10. The practice of personal integrity
    Keep your behavior aligned with your stated values — match your walk to your talk.
    The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem, Made Practical

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