Coaching practices for When to Seek Praise vs Feedback

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For When to Seek Praise vs Feedback, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• Praise slides right off me because it feels like flattery I can’t trust, but I notice I actually relax when someone tells me the plain truth about myself
• My praise is all vague "nice work, good stuff" while every critique I give is razor-specific
• When someone critiques my work I either avoid asking for it at all, or I fixate on whether it means I’m bad at this
• When someone does something genuinely great I just toss off a "nice work" and move on, and it barely registers
• No matter how carefully I word it, my feedback seems to land as me sitting in judgment over them from above

Practices that may help

1. Seek accurate feedback, not exclusively positive feedback
   Train yourself to want feedback that is true over feedback that feels good.
   Self-Verification Theory, Made Practical
2. Make praise as specific as criticism
   Vague praise is nearly worthless; name exactly what was good and why.
   Radical Candor, Made Practical
3. Feedback: extract the signal, ignore the noise
   Seek feedback fast, but use the part that actually tells you how to improve.
   Ultralearning: Aggressive, Self-Directed Learning
4. Use SBI for positive feedback, not just correction
   Name the situation, behavior, and impact when someone does something right.
   The SBI Feedback Model, Made Practical
5. Establish shared purpose before delivering critique
   Frame critique as help toward a shared goal, not an evaluation from above.
   The Feedback Sandwich: Why It Doesn’t Work and What to Do Instead
6. Understand why the sandwich fails before replacing it
   The sandwich fails because it sends three conflicting signals at once.
   The Feedback Sandwich: Why It Doesn’t Work and What to Do Instead
7. Frame rewards as information, not control
   "Your solution was creative" supports motivation; "here’s your gold star for complying" undermines it.
   Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation: What the Research Actually Shows
8. Give feedback in the moment, not stockpiled for reviews
   Feedback accumulated for a periodic review arrives late and in bulk — neither helps.
   The Feedback Sandwich: Why It Doesn’t Work and What to Do Instead
9. Encourage specific contributions and efforts
   "You set the table without being asked — that helped the whole family" is more powerful than "Good job."
   Positive Discipline (Jane Nelsen)
10. Give recognition generously and specifically
    Call out others’ contributions publicly, specifically, and without claiming credit for yourself.
    Give and Take: The Giver Advantage

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