Coaching practices for Avoid Ability Praise

Describe almost anything you are working through and IX Coach finds the practices whose real-world fit is closest. For Avoid Ability Praise, these are the strongest matches in the current practice library.

Does this sound like the set of challenges you might be facing?

• My praise is all vague "nice work, good stuff" while every critique I give is razor-specific
• I tell my kid "good job, you’re so smart" constantly, and now they freeze up at anything hard and keep looking to me to confirm they’re okay
• Praise slides right off me because it feels like flattery I can’t trust, but I notice I actually relax when someone tells me the plain truth about myself
• I keep telling my kid they’re so smart, so gifted
• When something goes well I tend to quietly absorb the credit or just say "great team effort," and I never actually name who did what

Practices that may help

1. Make praise as specific as criticism
   Vague praise is nearly worthless; name exactly what was good and why.
   Radical Candor, Made Practical
2. Encourage the effort and the process, not the outcome
   Encouragement builds inner confidence; outcome-praise creates dependency on adult evaluation.
   Natural and Logical Consequences (Rudolf Dreikurs)
3. Seek accurate feedback, not exclusively positive feedback
   Train yourself to want feedback that is true over feedback that feels good.
   Self-Verification Theory, Made Practical
4. Praise process, not innate ability
   Acknowledge effort, strategy, and choices rather than "you’re so smart".
   Growth Mindset: The Honest Version
5. Give recognition generously and specifically
   Call out others’ contributions publicly, specifically, and without claiming credit for yourself.
   Give and Take: The Giver Advantage
6. Encourage specific contributions and efforts
   "You set the table without being asked — that helped the whole family" is more powerful than "Good job."
   Positive Discipline (Jane Nelsen)
7. Use descriptive praise instead of generic approval
   Tell the child exactly what they did right so they know what to repeat.
   Triple P Parenting (Matthew Sanders)
8. Sportscast what you see rather than directing
   Narrate the play without evaluation, question, or instruction.
   Special Time (Lawrence Cohen — Playful Parenting)
9. Use SBI for positive feedback, not just correction
   Name the situation, behavior, and impact when someone does something right.
   The SBI Feedback Model, Made Practical
10. One-minute praisings: specific, immediate, genuine
    Praise that names the exact behavior immediately after it occurs reinforces that behavior far more effectively than delayed or generic recognition.
    The One Minute Manager: Three Practices That Still Work

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